转眼间就两年半了。时间过得好快哦。那么久了，你还在我身边，应该是奇迹吧哈哈哈。

老实说，我也没料到有一天我会找到我的王子。 因为社会有太多的标准和要求。 可是谢谢你在茫茫人海中选了我，把我当做你生命中最重要的人。

谢谢你无微不至的照顾，关怀，疼爱。 你知道吗，你的笑声是我最喜欢的声音。看到你笑，我也会很开心。你的怀里是我最安全的地方。靠着你的胸，听你的心跳，慢慢地飘入梦中。有你在的时候终是睡得特别香。因为在你身边，所有的烦恼都会消失。

谢谢你在这个时代里还愿意和我走传统路线。求婚，和父母一起住，然后才慢慢存钱买房子。也许你也和我一样保守吧。所以喜欢传统。

好希望这两年快点过，那我们就可以结婚和有自己的宝宝了。好期待哦～

I'm deflated... Like seriously tired... 

Breakdown after breakdown after breakdown... Enough tears to fill buckets (or bottle). 

Work has become a super negative environment .. The ugly side of them finally unleashed .. Attack after attack .. 

I'm tired... Tired of only being seen when needed.. Other times who cares about you.. So what if I don't go drink and all what nots with all of you. Does that make me not worthy of your friendship. If so, how shallow you are. To think I've even treated you as a friend. 

Ugh. What's wrong with this world. I'm mad I'm sad I'm angry. Idk laaaaa. I need the positivity back.. 

Home ♡

"This is Home, truly
Where I know I must be
Where my dreams wait for me
Where that river always flows
This is home, surely
As my senses tell me
This is where I won’t be alone
For this is where I know it’s home" - Home

Home has always been my favorite NDP song since I was a kid. 

Without all that LKY did for us, would we even have this home. 

Whatever he did, country was always on his mind. 

Thank you for leaving behind so many legacies for us. 

Tbh, I've only read about you in textbooks and politics/history was never my thing. All I knew was that you were someone important in shaping Singapore and making her how she is today. 

My mum always said, "without LKY, Singapore is nothing". Well I guess ppl of their generation all feel that way because they experienced the transformation. How we slowly developed under the leadership of a great man and his team. 

These few days, it's like a history crash course. Watching and re watching tv broadcasts of LKY's works and reading various articles shared on social media. 

You showed us that in this selfish world, love still does spring eternal. I really like the love story of Mr & Mrs Lee. The dedication, the commitment and the steadfast love. 

I never remembered queuing so long for something in my life. It really didn't feel like 2-3h. We just moved along with the queue. Seeing how everyone clicked and could just start talking is indeed heartwarming. Singaporeans, foreigners, all united as one. Was quite surprised to see banglahs in the queue too. 

Thank you for leaving behind so many legacies. Water, transport, clean&green, law&order, education, armed forces. Thank you for making this home such a safe and good place for us. 

You've fought the good fight. There aren't enough thankyous to thank you for all that you did. You will always be remembered. 

Thank you Sir ♡ 

"Another day without your smile, another day just passes by.
But now I know, how much it means. 

For you to stay, right here with me. 

I wanna grow old with you.
I wanna die lying in your arms.
I wanna grow old with you.
I wanna be looking in your eyes.
I wanna be there for you, sharing in everything you do.
I wanna grow old with you. "

Do you know, being in your arms and in your embrace is the safest place I can ever be. Feeling the warmth from you, knowing you'll protect me from all the shit that the world may throw. 

You let me see how to love a person and how to put others more before self. You help me become a better me. 

"Real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. It isn't just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling--it's a deliberate choice--a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. Real love is about weathering the storms of life together. Love is so much more than some random, euphoric feeling. And real love isn't always fluffy, cute, and cuddly. More often than not, real love has its sleeves rolled up, dirt and grime smeared on its arms, and sweat dripping down its forehead. Real love asks us to do hard things--to forgive one another, to support each other's dreams, to comfort in times of grief, or to care for family. Real love isn't easy--and it's nothing like the wedding day--but it's far more meaningful and wonderful. 

 "No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice." "

Love isn't easy. &it definitely isn't always fluffy and cute and ohsomagical. But thankyou for forgiving me time and time again. & for always being so supportive and always there in times of joy and grief and everything. 

Thankyou for never ever leaving me. Despite all the unfluffy and ugly times. 

You helped me see how much I can truly love . By chance we met, by choice we stay together. I give you my unconditional commitment. To love you always. From now till the end of time. To love and to cherish and to hold, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part. 

My gonggong boy ♡ 

Falling asleep in your arms & waking up to you has become one of my favourite things. 

So fast half a year passed le. 

Sometimes you make me sosososososo mad but idk why I can never stay mad at you. 

Thankyou for doing all the small small things to make my life better. 

Using your hand to cover th metal pole/any potential surface where I may bang my head against on the train , holding on to me so I won't fall, making sure I feel better whenever it hurts, not getting mad & walking away when I reach th point of super madness where it's tears and biting/scratching. 

 Loveyou much more than words can describe. 

Even though like we spend so much time tgt, I still always wish that we can have more time tgt. Time always seems to pass toooooo quickly. 

I really miss the days where all we did is just watch movie/video/anime & sleep all day long. Or even the impromptu outings. Work is just mehhhhh. 

Now that sch start for both of us, the time we have also lesser alr... 😔

Should have more than 24h in a day... 

Five and a half years seems like a really long time now... But I'm glad we're alr starting to slowly planning for our future tgt. From the type of deco to kids and even holiday destinations. I cannot wait for the day where we start our own family together. I know you feel the same way too. &if we work hard enough, who knows. Maybe we can get married even earlier. 

Everyday feels like an adventure with you. Thankyou for exploring the world together with me step by step. &for not abandoning me along the way. & for trying to understand the way that I am. 

More than that

"I will love you more than that. I won't say the words then take them back" - More Than That, Backstreet Boys

Because you make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world just by being yours. Make me feel soooo loved. 

You protect me and make sure I'm safe. Check on me whenever we don't meet to make sure I eat.

 Putting rice on my spoon so that I'll eat the rice instead of just ingredients. Feeding me when I don't feel like eating or when we're sharing Sth. 

Giving me manymany hugs to make me feel better. 

Being ever so patient with me. 

Encouraging me and being by my side through everything.

And the list just goes on and on. 

Even before sch starts, you alr make it a point to pick me up on weekday nights after school. You're really my sweetest boy ever. 

So blessed to be your girl. And words can never describe how much iloveyou. Thankyou for facing all my storms and battles with me, being my source of strength and support. 

iloveyoubabychanchan ♡ 

You teach me many things and help me improve as we go along. Helping me see my flaws and helping me to improve them bit by bit. Thankyou for letting me know more about you. And being the one that knows most about you. Thankyou for letting me into your world. 

You're more than just my boy. You're my boy, elder brother I never had, bestest friend, everything combined into one. At times, may be unbearable but thankyou for being patient with me and always never failing to put a smile on my face. Even when I'm mad at you, you never fail to make me smile again. And I can never stay mad at you. You mean the world to me ♡ I believe we can work out and live the rest of our lives tgt (: six years may seem like a really long time. But we'll make it through and then start our own family. I know we'll be able to. 

1 2 3 4

Hey baby (: 

idk if you'll see this but ohwells. 

Do you know this picture is super precious to me? Cos this is the very first picture that you took on your phone and you say want take de. 

So many songs that can sing to you, but for now, plain white t's 1 2 3 4 describes everything so well. Go listen to it if you're reading this hehe. 

12 more days till you're home. Supersuper glad that the number is finally getting so small. But not glad that cannot contact you that much :( back on the hunt for wifi cos touring Europe. And not all hotels have wifi.. Uncontactability sucks so bad. That sometimes cannot even fall asleep... May all the hotels you're staying in for the next 7 days all have wifi. Missing you so bad :( 

Miss your voice, your hugs, our cuddling times and everything. Cannot wait for you to come back home. 

It's finally July ~ 

27 more days till my baby comes home 😁 

Somedays it's still hard but I'm glad the number has reduced to a not so big and bearable number. 

Another thing that's been helping me through is our daily skype sessions. Being able to see your face and knowing you make the effort to make this girl's wishes of seeing you everyday come true. It makes me happy. And being able to talk to you everyday too. 

And even though you're 6.8k miles away and your sun rises later, you still manage to make me feel so special, so loved and still always there for me. Making me smile and cheering me up even. 

Thankyou for making me feel so special and sometimes even like a princess. For feeding me with so much foof. You make me feel like I'm the luckiest girl on earth cos I have you ❤️ 

Cannot wait for you to come home. Counting down the days till you return.

One part of the toughest thing through this period is living in different times from the boy & being apart for so long. It's like his goodnight to my good morning. Finally can relate so much to Simple Plan's Jetlag. Waking up to your sunset. Missing you really so bad :( 57days; 15down, 42 to go. Time is really passing toooo slowly :( it really feels like forever alr. I'd give anything to have you come back home now... Even if it was cramps for a whole month, it doesn't matter. Anything to have you come back home. He says this is just a challenge & we'll just get stronger. But there's so many other ways. This is just too torturous :( it really hurts so so bad on days where I just miss you so much. Supermegaultra hate this challenge. On days where things suck too much, if only I could call you, if only I could meet you then. But you're 6.8k miles away. With every 'ding', I hope it would be you. Do you know how precious all our conversations are... But sometimes when I get the feeling like it's half hearted reply, the feeling just sucks . I know you're there with friends, playing or even doing other stuffs then that's why. But the feeling just sucks. 

Ever since you went overseas, everything's just been like bad. I promised I'll be strong. But somedays I really wanna just give up on everything. I mean I'm like trying to get up and get back on track again. 

For starters , uni application done. Just waiting for the result now. 

Job and everything else, I really don't know what to do... Screwed up the interview so so bad..

 I don't know what to do with my life :( I'm a mess. A bigbig mess. 

XOXO

Finally knows how it feels like when a mum looks at her sleeping baby in her arms. So precious. 

Met the boy for dinner. Brought me to Lot one cos I never been there before. Went to the rooftop garden after dinz. Poorpoor boy tired out from th day's mugging. Watching him sleep, the feeling is like so precious and don't care what it takes also must protect him. 

With him by my side, be it just a walk down the street or in a shopping center or even a trip to JB, I feel so safe and so comfortable. Because I know he will be there to protect and to take care of me. 

You shower me with so much love and care. More than I can even imagine, more than I deserve. Making me smile, feeding me when I don't feel like eating, buying happy food to cheer me up, giving me manymany hugs to make me feel better, and the list goes on. You're like the bestest thing that's in my life ♡

11days&counting...

And so today marks the 11th consecutive day of meeting you ♡ everyday feels like a fairytale. All the little things that you do, chases away my fears and insecurities. So blessed to have you by my side. My bestest friend and also my dearest boy ♡ 

Thankyou for showering me with so much love and care. Pampering me and treating me like a princess. 

And also, the small small actions that makes me so touched. 

Anything or anywhere with you is also enjoyable. Even a whole afternoon of just watching cartoons. iloveyoubaby♡ 

Looking forward to our JB trip later (: (: (: 

Two is better than one ♡

That song is like supersuper nice. 

Anywayssss. I finally got the answer (: everything's clear now (: 

Everything doesn't seem real and it's like idk what did I even do to deserve a guy like you. One who loves me so and treats me so well (': 

It doesn't matter if we celebrate monthly or yearly, because everyday with you is alr a special day. Because I'm so blessed to have you.

Silly boy really surprised me till I didn't know what to say/react and almost teared. iloveyou baby ♡ 

Being able to see you everyday, be it even for an hour or the whole day, it makes me happy (: 

I may not be perfect or the best gf, but I will try to be the best for you. To be there for you in the good and the bad, and also your personal cheerleader. That I promise you. 

Thankyou for making me smile always and for making me feel so safe. Because I know you'll be there to protect me. 

Learning more about you everyday. 

And it warms my heart to know that you alr planned for the future. Even the meaning behind the design of the ring. Christ centered love. 

有你的感觉真好😊

You make me smile ♡

You, yes you. You make me smile ♡ you make me feel so safe and so protected whenever we're out tgt. 

Be it just a simple impromptu dinner or just an mrt trip or just sitting there together, somehow I feel so safe, protected , loved and special. 

Thankyou for giving in to my cravings, even though you may not be full from eating what I want. 

Thankyou for making me smile, taking care of me, constantly checking if I'm feeling better or not when I'm not feeling well , keeping me warm, cooking for me. 

Honestly, I was really v touched. Came down from shower to find a cup of thaicheese chicken+fries waiting for me. And th chicken was still cut into bite size pieces. See he very 细心 hor. Cos I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to eat lunch. 

Bought B&J for him after dinner with th friends. Silly asked why buy so expensive one. Cos you say buy what I like ma. And th most epic part. Stand in the middle of th road and he feed me icecream. Hahahah.

I'm really really truly blessed to have you ♡  

Love you laaaa ♡ 

(:

It's been two weeks since.. I really want to know the reason why yet I don't know how to even approach the subject.. Say something pls ? Sighs. 

Why do you have the power to make me miss you huh. The little things you do. The small things you rmb abt me. Even stuffs that I don't rmb telling you about, you still rmb. It's all these small things that touches my heart. 

Ytd night I was really happy (: yeah I admit I was disappointed at first when cancel. But then you made the effort to reschedule and fit in an outing. And then even making it happen on the same day again. Even though we didn't do much, it's th simple small things that makes me really happy. Like how I got to know you abit more. Learning more about you everytime we go out. And seeing the kid in you when your icecream came. Super cute. Thank you for still giving in to me and enduring my nonsense and moods. I really felt very bad when you apologized la. Because you really do so much for me. And always making sure that I am happy. Sending me pictures of stitch when you happen to see it while shopping. 

Where to find such a treasure like you. Loveyoula. ♡ 

Cos I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2 & you'll be there

So the last post was like what. Five months overdue. Hahaha didn't know it didn't get published. 

Ahh so life continues.. Intern was super awesome. Now back to the mundane school life... 

You know, when you find a best friend who loves you and takes care of you like an elder brother, Can just scold each other and talk abt the most random things ever, th feeling is just... Idk how to describe it... I just love you deepdeep. 

Hahah how we re-met each other is just funny/weird/idk? Knew him since lower sec but never ever talked to him ever since that event. This year's oac, being agl can just walk anywhere We want. Soooo. Just happened to see him and followed behind calling his name but got ignored. Damm sad. After coming back from oac, it was the comment on a status and th exchanging of numbers then we started talking. So it turns out I always had his number. I don't know how and why. Then blahblahblah , talk alotalot, work tgt, meet In sch. Hahah. 

He knows my weakest and ugliest side yet chooses to stand by me, giving me the encouragement and support and comfort that I need. Instead of giving up on me. I know I can be a super burden when I am at very very low points. 

The person whom I can just be myself infront of. No need to act strong cos I know you'll be there for me to lean on. Thankyou for taking care of me during work. And everything. Watching out for me and stuffs. Looking through my insta, I saw this photo which I posted quite sometime back. "So when the tears stream down my face don't ask me why I'm crying. Just hold me. I want to find someone who won't run away and look me in the eye and say that it's okay. It's not going to be easy but it will get better."

When I broke down, it wasn't easy to say why I was crying. I took a really long time to reply. Yet you never gave up on finding out what happened. You tried ways to cheer me up. Even offered to cook for me. Tbh, I was abit hungry la. Just a little little bit but too moodless to eat.  Being strong was tough cos I didn't want to let the others know. But thankyou for bringing me away, where it was just me and you, where I could let down all the pretenses because you knew what I was going through. And I thank you for the hug and allowing me to sleep on your shoulder. And for reassuring me and encouraging me that all will be better. And just being there for me when I was at my weakest. 

I am really truly blessed to have you in my life. And I'm so glad to have found you and I hope that this friendship will last for eternity long. 

I love you manymanymany. ♡ 

Yet another ycon session has ended. 

To not know most of the boys names yet they know mine. So paiseh. Really glad that the camp touched their lives and they want to come back for more Camps. 

Really proud of them.seeing how they grow. Having buddies that mostly can't walk properly or on walker/wheelchair, they just carry the buddies and support them and it really warms my heart to see that sight. 

Even one/two of my boys, scared of heights but brought his buddy up to HE. Fulfilled his promise to me, overcame his fear and the buddy was happy too. 

On the last day, I heard this sentence "don't tell me last time. No matter how many times you want go toilet, I also will bring you there." Just a simple sentence but somehow it brought tears to my eyes. The buddy is on wheelchair and is scared of troubling people and is really quite heavy.

Seeing how they really love the buddy and the way they take care of the buddy, how not to be proud of them. Some of them really damm zai. 

Seeing the boys talk to their abang and amongst themselves after the camp, somehow just start crying. Really proud of these boys. 

Who says people who commit crimes are bad. Who says they can't change. These boys are living proof of it. All with a big big heart that cares for people(: 

Give your heart a break

So people say WAHHHH you got so many friends and know so many people. But then again, what's the point if you feel lonely. It's like even in a whole big group of friends, you'll see little cliques and then you there trying to fit in but nowhere to fit into. Lonely even in a crowded place. Sometimes even feel more warmth and love from strangers.

So this marks the end of cptc. So fast five weeks have passed alr. These five weeks, both have good and not so good parts. The fun and joy we all had. Dreaded it at first but now kind of missing it. These five weeks helped bring us all closer. Just like how it was in the beginning.
Getting to know them better and helping each other out. Thankful for Zhixiang and pres (: always explaining to the blur sotong of a me. And for watching out for me during the times at the plant.

Another thing that I'm really greatful for is that our class is blessed with a really patient and fun instructor. Which makes the whole experience better. Guiding us through the Assessments and also for playing with us. Having small little private talks with us along the way, and also for making us feel confident of what we said during the assessment. For the constant encouragement and patience. The feeling you give is like a papa(: your daughter must be really blessed to have such a wonderful father. You'll definitely be one of the things I'll miss most about this five weeks.

When did we all grow up...
The real work's gonna start in a week's time. Somehow dreading it. Am I even prepared to face what's gonna happen. Only consolation is that I know Brandon's there with me. But then again, idk :(

Messedupconfusedkid...

Hah. So I know I'm greater than you (: you need not do al those stupid acts to let me know that. You just further proved the point that I am greater than you. LOSER.

Tgt we will chiong, from BMT to POP to ORD!

ABTM is really a must watch show.
Watching the show, different people will have different emotions. For some, their future, some, their present and for others, their past. Or even just to know how the army is like. even saw old man with walking stick watching the show. But at the end of the day, no matter what emotion you have, it's still a great show.

As a girl with practically zero knowledge of army, the show is indeed an eye opener for me. Get to see how army is like and what they experience.

Watched part one with the clique. Initially still joking ard and say next time we will stand at the jetty and wave as the ship departs for tekong. During the show, watching how they settle in and everything, many times the thought that passed thru my head was, my dearest cousin and bro gonna go through all that. Will they be safe? Will they adapt? Soon it'll be their turn. Thoughts like this and scenes in the show run concurrently and teared many times.

Just watched part two today. Missed the chance to see Tosh by that few mins. Sigh. Anyways. Seeing how Ken's thinking changed and how they all became brothers, it's really heartwarming. Like you're not there but you can feel it kind of thing. The brotherhood. torn between running and helping his brothers. The easy way out vs the way that will have punishment. In the end, chose to help cos of their brotherhood and the "leave no men behind" principle.
Teared so many times. The parts I remembered most is the giving out letters part and the POP part. Still rmb how papavanen was sharing about the letter part. Like how they make your life hell during the training then make you cry and everything then give you your parents letter. The part where Sgt Ong gave lobang the letter (': one sentence only but brought tears to my eyes. The ending during POP, seeing how the dad walk to the son and Ken running towards the dad and the moment where they hug each other(': priceless scene.

From strangers to friends, from brothers to buddies.

Leave no men behind.

Can all these be found out of tekong ?

You shoot me down , but I won't fall

December. Indeed a month full of thanksgivings. Despite the fact that there was CT to dampen the mood.
Really didn't have the motivation to study but thankful for the loves that kept encouraging me and also for Fangyou that helped me out when I didn't understand stuff(:

Dec camp! Shit happens. Moving on.. so proud of the boys (: (: seeing how they grew and how they take care of the buddies. And also how they bonded with each other. Hearing them share and how they want to come back and help again. Somehow it just touches your heart and warms your heart.

Had quite a special Christmas this year. Starting with the candlelight service where COOL was COOL again :D all tgt and suan-ing the leader (: really miss those times.
this year, Instead of the normal friends/family at someone's house or cafe, went to sentosa for Christmas (:
First time kena drag and throw into the sea. and also first time trying martini.
Short but fun time there (:
Really wow-Ed by Derek jnr and zen's house.
Derek can bake. Tarts, logcake. All like those that you can buy in shops. At first thought he was kidding. But really all made by him.
Zen's house is freaking big. And had the honor of having the "king" cook dinner for us. Even though its just Maggie,hotdog and crab stick. Thankful for the time that we could have.

The boys have really grown :')


Babygirl, even though I'll never know how you'll look, always know that iloveyou. Was looking forward to your arrival to this world. Just two months plus more. But I guess stuff happens and sometimes circumstances are just blah.
I'm sure you'll have lots of fun with the angels. Endless days of fun, joy and laughter. A place where you'll be all healthy and strong. A place full of rainbows. Till we meet again....

Even on my weakest days, I'll get a little bit stronger

was randomly searching for stuff and came across that song (: a little bit stronger (:
Yes. Even on my weakest days, I'll get a little bit stronger!

Finally managed to really sleep. Without any disturbances. Well I guess partially is due to the fact that turned data off. And also was really tired from all the happenings.

Problem upon problem upon problem... So many problems. Sighs.
Friday morning was really the last straw. Like how much can one withstand. Friday just felt like shit and head in all places but what I was supposed to do. Almost missed the mrt stop too. Didn't even realize till the last minute..

Somehow the song "above all" played in my head. Went to watch the video and after the first few sentences, started tearing. Yes indeed, You are above all things. You are in control of everything. Thankyou for reminding me tht I'm not alone and I don't have to shoulder all of this alone. You are always there to share whatever load I have.
Under the related videos , the song "in Christ alone" was like screaming click me! My comforter, my all in all. Thankyou for using the songs to speak to me and also act as a comfort.

I guess things started picking up from there. Turned off phone cos didn't want to see anything else at all. And so the lazy bum went gym. Like what momo said, running releases some idk what thing and really felt better after that. Plus the awesome lunch to follow (:
And saw MJ and Weijie on the way home (: (:

And really thankful for the sleep. Reached home and crashed. Only woke up this morning.