pathetic .

And so begins th CT week . Starts of with Maths paper . Amount of revision done for everything : pathetically little .... have a feeling that not gonna do well .... Don't know why this sem just don't have that motivation to study . And got a lot of memory work :( and my brain feels like there's so much stuff inside and nth can go in .... How to remember all th other stuff ....... And i got a feeling that migraine's on it's way ... Oh yaye ..... Feeling th sharp pains .it's like hit and go . Hit and go . Sian ttm . These few days stomach acting up again..... Keep on pain pain pain . Worst part is when lie down , th pain spreads out and diffuses .... No more concentrated . :( rather one area then whole thing pain ... Back to CT .. maths is th only thing that I have confidence for . Th rest .... Not really ... Obc ... Eltech ... Icbe ... Eltech is like pure physics all over again . The torture . :( Already looking forward to the holidays even before CT even starts . Just hope that all goes well ............

:D:

Just depends how you look at it . :D: can be happy face and at th same time a sad face . So .... S&S is over . That's like one chapter closed . Smiles joy tears laughter fun everything . Memories to keep . Three months of work . Yupp . Waiting for the videos to be up . Tbh .when th curtains opened and half th LT was empty I was kinda disheartened ? Like they all just come to watch their friends perform then after that leave . Are we not worthy of their attention . Everything we went through since the start was just for this . Amount of tears shed can like become river for some country le . For th past few months there were this group of people that were always there for me ever since the very start of it all . Azhar , Clara , Varina , Jacqueline , Si Jia , Zijian , Prescilla , Ian , Alee , Weijie , Jan . These few people kept me going and I'm really grateful for them (: we cried we smiled we laughed we played . But through it all , I guess indeed we did grow closer (: thankyou for your ears and hugs and everything (: love you <3 And so CT next week . So not prepared . So dead . parents plus some people giving additional stress . Plus no motivation at all . Really really dead . Today was yet another roller coaster I would say .ups and downs th whole day . Broke down just now ... It just came just like that and poof . And th pain sets in . You know me you will know when I'm irritated/agitated/sad th idk what nonsense thing will start to hurt ALOT . so th pain intensified . Th more I think th more it hurt and th intensity increase . Sigh . I don't know . Messed up much . Yes I would say so . Messedupgirllivinginhermessedupworld :(

.

Lying on th sofa waiting for time t pass ... Later got booth . I have no idea how t explain th experiment . And then got IJ assessment thing D: Last night was one of th earlier nights I slept in a long while ... Slept at 11 . Then woke up at 530 to study . Did maths and eltech and went back sleep . Aye . Th week just pass so fast . Few more weeks to CT and definitely not prepared at all .... Sighhhh :( shall go back t sleep first ... Still early ....

flyyyyyy (:

And so ... Group games are over (: went well I guess ? That night = scary night :( headache till cannot recognize people and see double image :( Well at least now better le (: So Wednesday went for double s&w with ham . Was fun (: And so today's stupid's graduation :D Ponning icbe tutorial for him . Should feel honored ! Haha . Then after that going for dinner and movie with ham , jacq and huaihui :D schedule like so pack :( hopefully can find enough time for everything . Saturday going out somemore .... Sigh .. Thank God for healing E and making him better (: indeed with you around , nothing is impossible ! (:

.

Traumatized .shocked.stunned .idk . Lying on bed and tears just keep flowing .

life....

this just feels so wrong somehow... its like there's this sick feeling inside of me .
two deaths in one day . what is it with the world . one hanged herself one jumped . both around th same time somemore . seriously . reason behind their deaths , bullying . then again brings back to th question . wtf is wrong with this world . if you were th bully and found out that they died caz of you how would you feel . if it was me , i would be like super super guilty .
ugh . i just dont know . suddenly it just feels like life is so fragile ..... like anyone can die anytime .

im scared . i really am . i dont want to loose anybody . its like ... idk how t describe this feeling .. it feels wrong and sick somehow . its like not even related to me but somehow im just affected . is this how th world is like ? is th world really that bad ? idk .
what ian said is true .. who knows . if we didnt have God , who knows . instead of them dying , we might be th ones dead . th pressure . th idk what . used to experience this . th feeling just sucks so bad . everyday i'll just be like in a super bad mood and i can just shout at anybody and just start crying. just think . in singapore , it's mild . in ang moh countries , its so so so much worse . imagine if we already cant take th mild ones , if in ang moh land , i dont know how i'll survive . maybe i'll even end up like them in that situation ?
im really scared . like what if one day it really happens . like i loose someone really close t me . i think i'll just loose it altogether . my biggest fear now is loosing my grandma . other than me , ace will also go crazy . caz he's also super attached to her . imagine the torture he has to go through as a kid if it really happens any time soon . which i obviously dont want it to . but i cant tell th future . idk what's gonna happen .
life is like so fragile . suddenly this world doesnt seem that safe anymore . it's like we're hanging onto a thread . one that can suddenly snap anytime . safe or unsafe . fragile or not . idk .........

but one thing's for sure is that im really scared ....

cause some days stay gold forever (:

And so now it's 1:27am . Lightning just flashed . Thunder just sounded . Kaay random . Oh well . Back to topic . Week passed by so fast ! And th year is almost gone too . And only one more month left t CT D: die :( Friday went out with th two most awesome people ever <3 Time spent together was great (: Sorry that you guys took super long t get home :( So ... IJ damm suay . Same group as her -.- sad life :( S&w was fun I guess (: th teacher's cool (: after it ended , jelly legs . Abraham also . Then training . Then Thursday th suffering sets in :( climb stairs = painnnnnn :( but I guess being selected for that sport? Is kind of a privilege ? Since so many want it and can't get it ... Tbh I is put for fun de . Caz everybody say can't get in so just put for fun and see . Then really get in . Super stun . Kaay so now I can't sleep :( Grrrrr . Thank God for giving me a real good sleep on Friday night (: slept at 1030pm . That's like th earliest ever since primary school . Then slept till Saturday 10am (: hehe . Almost 12 hours . With no disruption (: And I like how I dreamt of TW on either wed or Thursday night (: hehehe