(:

It's been two weeks since.. I really want to know the reason why yet I don't know how to even approach the subject.. Say something pls ? Sighs. 

Why do you have the power to make me miss you huh. The little things you do. The small things you rmb abt me. Even stuffs that I don't rmb telling you about, you still rmb. It's all these small things that touches my heart. 

Ytd night I was really happy (: yeah I admit I was disappointed at first when cancel. But then you made the effort to reschedule and fit in an outing. And then even making it happen on the same day again. Even though we didn't do much, it's th simple small things that makes me really happy. Like how I got to know you abit more. Learning more about you everytime we go out. And seeing the kid in you when your icecream came. Super cute. Thank you for still giving in to me and enduring my nonsense and moods. I really felt very bad when you apologized la. Because you really do so much for me. And always making sure that I am happy. Sending me pictures of stitch when you happen to see it while shopping. 

Where to find such a treasure like you. Loveyoula. ♡ 

Cos I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2 & you'll be there

So the last post was like what. Five months overdue. Hahaha didn't know it didn't get published. 

Ahh so life continues.. Intern was super awesome. Now back to the mundane school life... 

You know, when you find a best friend who loves you and takes care of you like an elder brother, Can just scold each other and talk abt the most random things ever, th feeling is just... Idk how to describe it... I just love you deepdeep. 

Hahah how we re-met each other is just funny/weird/idk? Knew him since lower sec but never ever talked to him ever since that event. This year's oac, being agl can just walk anywhere We want. Soooo. Just happened to see him and followed behind calling his name but got ignored. Damm sad. After coming back from oac, it was the comment on a status and th exchanging of numbers then we started talking. So it turns out I always had his number. I don't know how and why. Then blahblahblah , talk alotalot, work tgt, meet In sch. Hahah. 

He knows my weakest and ugliest side yet chooses to stand by me, giving me the encouragement and support and comfort that I need. Instead of giving up on me. I know I can be a super burden when I am at very very low points. 

The person whom I can just be myself infront of. No need to act strong cos I know you'll be there for me to lean on. Thankyou for taking care of me during work. And everything. Watching out for me and stuffs. Looking through my insta, I saw this photo which I posted quite sometime back. "So when the tears stream down my face don't ask me why I'm crying. Just hold me. I want to find someone who won't run away and look me in the eye and say that it's okay. It's not going to be easy but it will get better."

When I broke down, it wasn't easy to say why I was crying. I took a really long time to reply. Yet you never gave up on finding out what happened. You tried ways to cheer me up. Even offered to cook for me. Tbh, I was abit hungry la. Just a little little bit but too moodless to eat.  Being strong was tough cos I didn't want to let the others know. But thankyou for bringing me away, where it was just me and you, where I could let down all the pretenses because you knew what I was going through. And I thank you for the hug and allowing me to sleep on your shoulder. And for reassuring me and encouraging me that all will be better. And just being there for me when I was at my weakest. 

I am really truly blessed to have you in my life. And I'm so glad to have found you and I hope that this friendship will last for eternity long. 

I love you manymanymany. ♡ 

Yet another ycon session has ended. 

To not know most of the boys names yet they know mine. So paiseh. Really glad that the camp touched their lives and they want to come back for more Camps. 

Really proud of them.seeing how they grow. Having buddies that mostly can't walk properly or on walker/wheelchair, they just carry the buddies and support them and it really warms my heart to see that sight. 

Even one/two of my boys, scared of heights but brought his buddy up to HE. Fulfilled his promise to me, overcame his fear and the buddy was happy too. 

On the last day, I heard this sentence "don't tell me last time. No matter how many times you want go toilet, I also will bring you there." Just a simple sentence but somehow it brought tears to my eyes. The buddy is on wheelchair and is scared of troubling people and is really quite heavy.

Seeing how they really love the buddy and the way they take care of the buddy, how not to be proud of them. Some of them really damm zai. 

Seeing the boys talk to their abang and amongst themselves after the camp, somehow just start crying. Really proud of these boys. 

Who says people who commit crimes are bad. Who says they can't change. These boys are living proof of it. All with a big big heart that cares for people(: 

Give your heart a break

So people say WAHHHH you got so many friends and know so many people. But then again, what's the point if you feel lonely. It's like even in a whole big group of friends, you'll see little cliques and then you there trying to fit in but nowhere to fit into. Lonely even in a crowded place. Sometimes even feel more warmth and love from strangers.

So this marks the end of cptc. So fast five weeks have passed alr. These five weeks, both have good and not so good parts. The fun and joy we all had. Dreaded it at first but now kind of missing it. These five weeks helped bring us all closer. Just like how it was in the beginning.
Getting to know them better and helping each other out. Thankful for Zhixiang and pres (: always explaining to the blur sotong of a me. And for watching out for me during the times at the plant.

Another thing that I'm really greatful for is that our class is blessed with a really patient and fun instructor. Which makes the whole experience better. Guiding us through the Assessments and also for playing with us. Having small little private talks with us along the way, and also for making us feel confident of what we said during the assessment. For the constant encouragement and patience. The feeling you give is like a papa(: your daughter must be really blessed to have such a wonderful father. You'll definitely be one of the things I'll miss most about this five weeks.

When did we all grow up...
The real work's gonna start in a week's time. Somehow dreading it. Am I even prepared to face what's gonna happen. Only consolation is that I know Brandon's there with me. But then again, idk :(

Messedupconfusedkid...

Hah. So I know I'm greater than you (: you need not do al those stupid acts to let me know that. You just further proved the point that I am greater than you. LOSER.

Tgt we will chiong, from BMT to POP to ORD!

ABTM is really a must watch show.
Watching the show, different people will have different emotions. For some, their future, some, their present and for others, their past. Or even just to know how the army is like. even saw old man with walking stick watching the show. But at the end of the day, no matter what emotion you have, it's still a great show.

As a girl with practically zero knowledge of army, the show is indeed an eye opener for me. Get to see how army is like and what they experience.

Watched part one with the clique. Initially still joking ard and say next time we will stand at the jetty and wave as the ship departs for tekong. During the show, watching how they settle in and everything, many times the thought that passed thru my head was, my dearest cousin and bro gonna go through all that. Will they be safe? Will they adapt? Soon it'll be their turn. Thoughts like this and scenes in the show run concurrently and teared many times.

Just watched part two today. Missed the chance to see Tosh by that few mins. Sigh. Anyways. Seeing how Ken's thinking changed and how they all became brothers, it's really heartwarming. Like you're not there but you can feel it kind of thing. The brotherhood. torn between running and helping his brothers. The easy way out vs the way that will have punishment. In the end, chose to help cos of their brotherhood and the "leave no men behind" principle.
Teared so many times. The parts I remembered most is the giving out letters part and the POP part. Still rmb how papavanen was sharing about the letter part. Like how they make your life hell during the training then make you cry and everything then give you your parents letter. The part where Sgt Ong gave lobang the letter (': one sentence only but brought tears to my eyes. The ending during POP, seeing how the dad walk to the son and Ken running towards the dad and the moment where they hug each other(': priceless scene.

From strangers to friends, from brothers to buddies.

Leave no men behind.

Can all these be found out of tekong ?

You shoot me down , but I won't fall

December. Indeed a month full of thanksgivings. Despite the fact that there was CT to dampen the mood.
Really didn't have the motivation to study but thankful for the loves that kept encouraging me and also for Fangyou that helped me out when I didn't understand stuff(:

Dec camp! Shit happens. Moving on.. so proud of the boys (: (: seeing how they grew and how they take care of the buddies. And also how they bonded with each other. Hearing them share and how they want to come back and help again. Somehow it just touches your heart and warms your heart.

Had quite a special Christmas this year. Starting with the candlelight service where COOL was COOL again :D all tgt and suan-ing the leader (: really miss those times.
this year, Instead of the normal friends/family at someone's house or cafe, went to sentosa for Christmas (:
First time kena drag and throw into the sea. and also first time trying martini.
Short but fun time there (:
Really wow-Ed by Derek jnr and zen's house.
Derek can bake. Tarts, logcake. All like those that you can buy in shops. At first thought he was kidding. But really all made by him.
Zen's house is freaking big. And had the honor of having the "king" cook dinner for us. Even though its just Maggie,hotdog and crab stick. Thankful for the time that we could have.

The boys have really grown :')


Babygirl, even though I'll never know how you'll look, always know that iloveyou. Was looking forward to your arrival to this world. Just two months plus more. But I guess stuff happens and sometimes circumstances are just blah.
I'm sure you'll have lots of fun with the angels. Endless days of fun, joy and laughter. A place where you'll be all healthy and strong. A place full of rainbows. Till we meet again....

Even on my weakest days, I'll get a little bit stronger

was randomly searching for stuff and came across that song (: a little bit stronger (:
Yes. Even on my weakest days, I'll get a little bit stronger!

Finally managed to really sleep. Without any disturbances. Well I guess partially is due to the fact that turned data off. And also was really tired from all the happenings.

Problem upon problem upon problem... So many problems. Sighs.
Friday morning was really the last straw. Like how much can one withstand. Friday just felt like shit and head in all places but what I was supposed to do. Almost missed the mrt stop too. Didn't even realize till the last minute..

Somehow the song "above all" played in my head. Went to watch the video and after the first few sentences, started tearing. Yes indeed, You are above all things. You are in control of everything. Thankyou for reminding me tht I'm not alone and I don't have to shoulder all of this alone. You are always there to share whatever load I have.
Under the related videos , the song "in Christ alone" was like screaming click me! My comforter, my all in all. Thankyou for using the songs to speak to me and also act as a comfort.

I guess things started picking up from there. Turned off phone cos didn't want to see anything else at all. And so the lazy bum went gym. Like what momo said, running releases some idk what thing and really felt better after that. Plus the awesome lunch to follow (:
And saw MJ and Weijie on the way home (: (:

And really thankful for the sleep. Reached home and crashed. Only woke up this morning.