Yet another ycon session has ended. 

To not know most of the boys names yet they know mine. So paiseh. Really glad that the camp touched their lives and they want to come back for more Camps. 

Really proud of them.seeing how they grow. Having buddies that mostly can't walk properly or on walker/wheelchair, they just carry the buddies and support them and it really warms my heart to see that sight. 

Even one/two of my boys, scared of heights but brought his buddy up to HE. Fulfilled his promise to me, overcame his fear and the buddy was happy too. 

On the last day, I heard this sentence "don't tell me last time. No matter how many times you want go toilet, I also will bring you there." Just a simple sentence but somehow it brought tears to my eyes. The buddy is on wheelchair and is scared of troubling people and is really quite heavy.

Seeing how they really love the buddy and the way they take care of the buddy, how not to be proud of them. Some of them really damm zai. 

Seeing the boys talk to their abang and amongst themselves after the camp, somehow just start crying. Really proud of these boys. 

Who says people who commit crimes are bad. Who says they can't change. These boys are living proof of it. All with a big big heart that cares for people(: 

Give your heart a break

So people say WAHHHH you got so many friends and know so many people. But then again, what's the point if you feel lonely. It's like even in a whole big group of friends, you'll see little cliques and then you there trying to fit in but nowhere to fit into. Lonely even in a crowded place. Sometimes even feel more warmth and love from strangers.

So this marks the end of cptc. So fast five weeks have passed alr. These five weeks, both have good and not so good parts. The fun and joy we all had. Dreaded it at first but now kind of missing it. These five weeks helped bring us all closer. Just like how it was in the beginning.
Getting to know them better and helping each other out. Thankful for Zhixiang and pres (: always explaining to the blur sotong of a me. And for watching out for me during the times at the plant.

Another thing that I'm really greatful for is that our class is blessed with a really patient and fun instructor. Which makes the whole experience better. Guiding us through the Assessments and also for playing with us. Having small little private talks with us along the way, and also for making us feel confident of what we said during the assessment. For the constant encouragement and patience. The feeling you give is like a papa(: your daughter must be really blessed to have such a wonderful father. You'll definitely be one of the things I'll miss most about this five weeks.

When did we all grow up...
The real work's gonna start in a week's time. Somehow dreading it. Am I even prepared to face what's gonna happen. Only consolation is that I know Brandon's there with me. But then again, idk :(

Messedupconfusedkid...

Hah. So I know I'm greater than you (: you need not do al those stupid acts to let me know that. You just further proved the point that I am greater than you. LOSER.

Tgt we will chiong, from BMT to POP to ORD!

ABTM is really a must watch show.
Watching the show, different people will have different emotions. For some, their future, some, their present and for others, their past. Or even just to know how the army is like. even saw old man with walking stick watching the show. But at the end of the day, no matter what emotion you have, it's still a great show.

As a girl with practically zero knowledge of army, the show is indeed an eye opener for me. Get to see how army is like and what they experience.

Watched part one with the clique. Initially still joking ard and say next time we will stand at the jetty and wave as the ship departs for tekong. During the show, watching how they settle in and everything, many times the thought that passed thru my head was, my dearest cousin and bro gonna go through all that. Will they be safe? Will they adapt? Soon it'll be their turn. Thoughts like this and scenes in the show run concurrently and teared many times.

Just watched part two today. Missed the chance to see Tosh by that few mins. Sigh. Anyways. Seeing how Ken's thinking changed and how they all became brothers, it's really heartwarming. Like you're not there but you can feel it kind of thing. The brotherhood. torn between running and helping his brothers. The easy way out vs the way that will have punishment. In the end, chose to help cos of their brotherhood and the "leave no men behind" principle.
Teared so many times. The parts I remembered most is the giving out letters part and the POP part. Still rmb how papavanen was sharing about the letter part. Like how they make your life hell during the training then make you cry and everything then give you your parents letter. The part where Sgt Ong gave lobang the letter (': one sentence only but brought tears to my eyes. The ending during POP, seeing how the dad walk to the son and Ken running towards the dad and the moment where they hug each other(': priceless scene.

From strangers to friends, from brothers to buddies.

Leave no men behind.

Can all these be found out of tekong ?

You shoot me down , but I won't fall

December. Indeed a month full of thanksgivings. Despite the fact that there was CT to dampen the mood.
Really didn't have the motivation to study but thankful for the loves that kept encouraging me and also for Fangyou that helped me out when I didn't understand stuff(:

Dec camp! Shit happens. Moving on.. so proud of the boys (: (: seeing how they grew and how they take care of the buddies. And also how they bonded with each other. Hearing them share and how they want to come back and help again. Somehow it just touches your heart and warms your heart.

Had quite a special Christmas this year. Starting with the candlelight service where COOL was COOL again :D all tgt and suan-ing the leader (: really miss those times.
this year, Instead of the normal friends/family at someone's house or cafe, went to sentosa for Christmas (:
First time kena drag and throw into the sea. and also first time trying martini.
Short but fun time there (:
Really wow-Ed by Derek jnr and zen's house.
Derek can bake. Tarts, logcake. All like those that you can buy in shops. At first thought he was kidding. But really all made by him.
Zen's house is freaking big. And had the honor of having the "king" cook dinner for us. Even though its just Maggie,hotdog and crab stick. Thankful for the time that we could have.

The boys have really grown :')


Babygirl, even though I'll never know how you'll look, always know that iloveyou. Was looking forward to your arrival to this world. Just two months plus more. But I guess stuff happens and sometimes circumstances are just blah.
I'm sure you'll have lots of fun with the angels. Endless days of fun, joy and laughter. A place where you'll be all healthy and strong. A place full of rainbows. Till we meet again....

Even on my weakest days, I'll get a little bit stronger

was randomly searching for stuff and came across that song (: a little bit stronger (:
Yes. Even on my weakest days, I'll get a little bit stronger!

Finally managed to really sleep. Without any disturbances. Well I guess partially is due to the fact that turned data off. And also was really tired from all the happenings.

Problem upon problem upon problem... So many problems. Sighs.
Friday morning was really the last straw. Like how much can one withstand. Friday just felt like shit and head in all places but what I was supposed to do. Almost missed the mrt stop too. Didn't even realize till the last minute..

Somehow the song "above all" played in my head. Went to watch the video and after the first few sentences, started tearing. Yes indeed, You are above all things. You are in control of everything. Thankyou for reminding me tht I'm not alone and I don't have to shoulder all of this alone. You are always there to share whatever load I have.
Under the related videos , the song "in Christ alone" was like screaming click me! My comforter, my all in all. Thankyou for using the songs to speak to me and also act as a comfort.

I guess things started picking up from there. Turned off phone cos didn't want to see anything else at all. And so the lazy bum went gym. Like what momo said, running releases some idk what thing and really felt better after that. Plus the awesome lunch to follow (:
And saw MJ and Weijie on the way home (: (:

And really thankful for the sleep. Reached home and crashed. Only woke up this morning.

Funny how things can change in just one month.... Looking back at the previous post.... Everything has changed. And when I say everything, it's really everything....

I'm a mess. I'm a wreck. I'm breaking/alr broke down. It's almost three weeks. And yes, I'm still fighting this psychological battle with myself. Do you even know what I'm going through. I bet you don't. So much for claiming that you cared huh. Since you alr broke your promises, what else can I ask from you. Well, nothing's left. Nothing's left to hold on to.

Ever since I fell sick till now , the number of times I cried is like the number of times I cried in the past year. Yes that's how bad it is. I trusted you yet you used my weakness and fears against me. Do you think that makes you stronger or mightier. and so you asked why I cried. I couldn't possibly say to your face "because of you".

It fking hurts to know how you changed so quickly. From a priority to a freaking dispensable option. That feeling sucks. Yet I can't do a single shit about it. Do you even know how disgusted/turn off I feel whenever I see things. Do you know how much I hate it. Do you even know I wish my sixth sense didn't exist at all. So I won't feel all this shit. No you don't even know. Cos you moved on. What's left is me in your dust, trying to pick up all the pieces and move on. Suddenly pulling apart. Putting that fking huge distance between us. How do you think it feels. Well maybe you don't feel anything. But let me tell you it hurts.

Just this week, I was ready and prepared to face my fears. And you. What did you do. You backed out. Do you even know how disappointed we all were. Oh wait. Disappointed isn't even the word at all. What if something happened. Do you not know that there wasn't enough people. There was no medic at all. It was really lucky that nothing happened. And everything went well. I guess your reason is just pure bullshit. Since then. How many lies have you fed me with. Tbh, I just got tired of counting them. I gave up. To feel the hurt when I find out its yet again another lie is so not worth it.

This shit has got to stop. This battle has to be won. I can't go on like this anymore. I can't even eat properly. And all I want to do is just sleep and escape reality. And I cannot let you affect me anymore.
For the past month, I don't know how my body survived. Food rejection, shitting out who knows what, and all the hurt and tears. all my shorts have become loose. wearing them with belts is such a hassle. Constantly pulling them up is another hassle. proud of my body to have survived. But how long more can it take all these... Even the strongest body will fail after time.

No I'm not blaming you for anything at all. This whole thing may just be all my fault. I just don't want us to go back to the beginning. Back to the point where we were strangers. But this time, strangers with memories.

Really thankful to the few who stood by me. Endured all my rantings and my complains and my mood swings and my tears. Thankyou for being honest with me and being there for me and being my listening ear. Without you I swear this would be so much worse. I will win this battle. Not immediately but over time. I will emerge stronger than I was before. And I will not let my guard down so easily anymore. Thankyou pa, ma, momo, mat,ningx,siangz,Derek and gaz <3 I will get better!

I found you (:

So many things have happened in the past month.. So many happy memories. Memories created that will last for the whole lifetime (:

Firstly, 19092012 ! :D THE WANTED CONCERT ! :D managed to see my five gorgeous and talented guys again after a year. So kewt ! :D nath's voice when singing live is (Y). Me likey. Supersuper nice. That night was just magical. Glad that bought pen a tix. Cos nath and Seev were there most of the time :D :D

Moving on... Sept comm family :D

SEPT COMM FAMILY <3 hehehe thankyou for making my past 6 weeks of holiday so fun and meaningful (: (:
Meeting each other almost every single day. Going to so many places. Packing cookies and making pizza at apsn. Playing lanterns. spamming photos. eating tauhuey. fly kite. and so much more. Thanks for the memories (:

Papa, mama, gege, jiejie, ningx and fling <3 thankyou for all the joy and care.

And lastly, my dear zhu! (:
Thankyou for always making sure that I'm alright. And for looking out for me and just being the awesome person that you are (:
Even though we only like really know each other for almost one month only after the whole seven months, I don't get how you can just tell if I'm hiding stuff from you or not. And sometimes can even just guess what's wrong. Why you so smart huh... And your reason will always be "cos I'm your zhu ge". Tsk. but even so, Thankful that I have such a wonderful bro(: loveyou<3

Friends like you guys. To treasure and to keep forever. <3