three down one to go . past two papers have been demoralizing .? idk .. just have that bad feeling bout it ..
studies aside ... have a feeling that my life is super off focused now . is like focused on the wrong aspects of it all . like what he said . why spend so much time on studying for just that 2 hours or dont know what paper. results arent everything . and th thing that really is important is not earthly stuffs/riches . then went to a certain caterpillar's tumblr and saw a similar post . bout earthly riches arent everything thing .
maybe it's a sign ? a sign that i should start correcting the path and make it back on track again ?
i guess in this society , it's just pushing you towards grades and all . without grades, what can we do ? everything is grades grades and more grades . the better your grades are, the better it is .
in the process ,i guess i just started to loose myself . getting pushed and confined by grades and studying . wanting to please the parents and maybe self expectations . expectations . they can either help or kill . so we do have expectations of ourselves and sometimes when we dont meet them , i'll just feel totally sian . like sometimes even though outside im like yeah everything's fine . it's just a grade its nothing . but inside is like wthhhhhhhhhh . whywhywhy .
sigh . i guess this correcting of path aint gonna be easy . it's easy to say oh sure im gonna fix my eyes on that cross and just ignore everything else in this world . but in reality , it's hard . like how they push you , step on you and all . sometimes everything just gets blurred and focus is lost . hopefully can get back the focus before it's all too late ....