finally finished th camp booklet .
very very big thankyou to someone who helped me get all th stuff out frm th file i couldn't open .
and its raining ...
times changed . i tink rain doesnt really cheer me up unless i walk in it dy . haha . ohwell . now to go play . haha .

August
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless.Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends .

Mostly i dunno .. haha ..
we shall see in time to come if its all really true ..

how hard th wishing time also wont slow down . th hols are here . n i so do not want them . n th sec fours handed over th duty to us dy . ALVIN TAN'S th new president . was lyk super happy when i knew . caz i guessed it would be him out of th five in th commitee . and NICHOL LEONG and MAX are th vice pres . grace th secretary and me as th treasurer . was like super unexpected lo . caz i tot i wont have any position in drama . haha . oh well . drama's gonna be different without all of them there .
ptc was lyk shet . spent th whole day with lan . when you put two emo ppl tgt it doesnt make any difference . me like playin with ppl phone de keychain then dunno wad i did and then lan started laughing lyk xiao n yaye .everybody's happy . haha .
n tears can be th solvent for paper chromatography . wan proof i have .
now im gonna die . needa come up with camp booklet . by tmr morning . which i plan to finish before 12 tonite . 1h6min left . impossible . i know nuts about th theme . no inspiration comes to mind . oh well . i shall try . and those who dont have th packing list please go to CAREFORCE blog and get . thankyou . apparently we forgot to give some people ..
i will cut my hair before tuesday . and i dun care . i wan pon paul ling remedial . if cant pon then i shall bring my maths hw there to do . i dun care . jesse today attitude is lyk total change .say wad i lost in my own world all th time and dun talk to ppl . is you never see only can . say wad never do ur hw and leave blank durin midyear .i never leave blank n i got do ur freakin hw .and say half a year dy never hear my voice before and paul ling agree with her . wth . paul ling memory muz be .............. caz i did talk to him many times . if i wan you can two whole years dun hear my voice at all . n i shall be tt voiceless student in your class . n you did hear okaay .. ask me answer so many questions still say never hear . ur memory also another got problem one .
blah .......... stoopid ......
wad th hell is you make a difference . no inspiration la ....
carebears super cute ! me likes th one with th rainbow , th cupcake , th star and th heart . hahaha ..

BOO ! (:

ihatechem . oops . did i juz say tt . ohwell . jesse doesnt come here aniway so i dont care . if she does then we shall see about tt . you know ur lesson we all feel super stress . still everytime shout at us n shout n shout n shout . tink you wad sia . stress us more only . today spa . thanks alot la . i also not one of th few you ask to stay back . is i helpin ppl wash th apparatus caz they chiong-ing th worksheet then call me n those you ask to stay back clean up th lab . bloodyhell . then sku employ lab tech for wad sia . summore th pipette thingy mine is dirty de can . then we four ppl sharin two still keep makin us redo .
holidays are coming . me so does not want them to come . one whole month cant see all my beloveds . blahhh ... im gonna miss them lyk shet . lets see . holidays im gonna pon paul ling and surin remedial . muahaha . im goin somewhere over th rainbow . haha . and also th 2nd day of careforce camp .sadded .
addicted to all th old old songs . those songs that juz dont grow old .. n wont listen till sick of them de . haha .
now to contine with wad i was suppsoed to do in th first place ..

finally got back chinese paper . quite happy with th results for papertwo but not one . tink if pls ca marks maybe can get a2 if not b3 . ihateenglishoralcom . so dumb .holidays are coming .dunwan them to come .school more fun .now going crazy over plannin stuff for careforce . dumb h1n1 then sku reject th overnight camp idea . yuan lai plan camp shi na me xin ku . fri went ard findin th various ppl in charge of various departments for th camp . n my foot was hurtin th whole time . n why . i landed on th wrong foot . landed on right instead of left . and if you know me since sec one or remembered , i injured right foot durin sec one durin EOY . so smart rite . haha . still rmb th maths cher was starin at my foot thruout th paper she was invigilating . n apparently she inured her foot too . haha .
n oral . i got lower then somebody . n aapparently th somebody also passed more subjects then me . i really gotta start studying more over th holidays . stuff learnt from Alvin . thru tis midyear , last min pia-ing wont help . haha .
tmr gonna finalise all th camp stuff . hope this camp will be a sucess . quite a lot of ppl involved in th various comms gt cip on dunno which day . super shet la .then muz find more ppl . like th games and rod n logistics . all th ppl we get all got cip at dunno wad shet place . only jianbin can . wadeva . i dun care . th most exco do till die only . lalala . william where th hell are you . im waiting for th draft then can faster send over to madame . n can faster settle before thursday ..
yes . tianlan . me like . gonna try follow her have th goal of not cryin for th nxt half year . n apparently i dun tink i'll suceed . first half of th year . lemme see . cry dunno how many time dy . so dumb .
and now . back to english . maybe i shld juz let this place rot n die . no one comes anyway ..
me wants to cut hair .maybe wanying's dream will come true and one day she'll become a hair stylist and then i'll go look for her to cut my hair . haha . and im gonna cut once sku ends . quite bu she . but oh well . it'll grow again . its lyk frm th end of my back to shoulder . sadded . i wan nine pm to come faster . hahaha .

freakin tired . izzit juz cold or im havin a fever again . blah . i dun care aniway .what's going on . i dunno .im tired . im mixed up . i dun wanna think anymore .got back all th papers except chinese . wtheck is th stoopid teacher doin . i wan my paper luhh . oral also last min tell us . now dun even let us have a chance to check th paper . i failed 3 . and maybe chinese too . maybe th tiredness and sadness is written all over .i dun understand why she doesnt scold me like she usually does but instead treats me so nicely .i dunno why . i wan her to scold me instead .for not doing well and i dunno .omg . where has th old me gone to ? th new me is scaring myself . th tolerance level of pain n sadness n stress is lyk super th high . its slowly building up higher and higher and i have no idea who to turn to anymore . its lyk now im trapped in a place .where there's no one else .no one to turn to . not even my parents or cell leaders . not even roger . or huiwen . needless to say . you . how am i supposed to get rid of all this pain . i dunno . i wont turn to hurting myself .i wont cry anymore .i dunno .why am i running .running away frm all this .retreating further and further into th darkness instead of searching for tt light of hope .why cant i be like wad i wrote in th compo .only fonseka will know what im talkin about . wth . why am i even crying . didnt i say i wont cry anymore .come on .you know you can be strong .only you can help yourself .nobody else can .jiayou .you can do it .
i dun wanna ride th freakin roller coaster anymore .ups and downs aint gonna do any good .

thought i knew you for a minute , but now im not so sure . so here's to everything coming down to nothing . here's to th silence that's cuts me to th core . where's all this goin ? thought i knew for a moment . but it just so happens i dont anymore ..
imissyou .ireallydunwannalooseanyofyou .ireallydomisseverything .

BOO ! (:

bloodyhell . i dunwan fall sick .. th fever's kinda back . it went on a holiday ytd and now its returning . now head hurtin lyk abcdefghijklmnop ... sum dumb organ also hurting .. blah .. muz get well by tmr morning 7am . i cant abandon zac .. its been super long since i last worked with him . thankyou so much for everything ytd . its been really long since i last played and im kinda rusty . bt thanks for helpin me alot alot . haha . made a new fren ytd . nt tt anyone will care .soMe ns guy .. we're loosing all our ppl to ns .. n then th music ministry will decrease .. n become smaller .. blah ... wadeva . i dun care .. juz gt yangyang n liankhup can le . oh wait . yang's gonna have to go ns too . oh well .

went out with tai tai to celebrate her birthday .tai tai super cute .we did sth which tai tai is stil figuring out n its our secret then when we ask for th cake th whole staff came out n sang birthday song for her and she was lyk omg . how they know its my birthday how they know i coming here . super cute luhh . went watch angels n demons . not bad . aft movie i gong already . cant walk properly . haha . went replenish nail polish then went walk walk then went home . yaye . im all alone at home .. anyone wanna come ? haha . i'll be at home alone most of th time on saturdays ..

ytd went out with drama . well nt all . michelle . jocelyn . alvin . winnie . max . nichol . was th first time i went ikea so fun . im stil waiting for th photo's from winnie ..

me wants more accesories . like bracelet and earrings . n i wan a ring . bloody bus ran over my ring .. th only one tt can fit on all my fingers .. found two today bt its lyk eighteen dollars .. and im pathetically broke .. ohwell . i shall wait till i find a nice n affordable one .

im dead . jon gonna kill me . jo n jason gonna kill me too . oh well ...

為什麼這個世界要有這麼多煩惱和問題 ...
我真的累了 .. 我再也不要去想任何事了 ..
好想有一個沒有煩惱的世界 ..
過這沒有煩惱沒有任何問題的生活 ..

juz realised i havent done chinese hw . not planning to do it aniway . rest of th week dunnid go sku n i m dying at home . ppl is all durin exam fall sick i is aft exam fall sick . tmr roger's coming bt i wont be at home . sadded . roger is lyk th best elder brother anyone could have . envy his sister for having such a great brother .. i miss people . lyk wanying . my zhu and lespartner . tianlan . my dearest and da jie jie . haha . th other four im always with in class . and drama . i miss drama th most . all th crazy moments and th tears and hugs and everything .next week sec3 gonna take over le .me confirm wont get any role .im hopin alvn for chair and nichol and winnie for th 2 vicechair .
ahh wadeva .. me no care .

i juz hope this is all a nightmare and when i wake up it'll be all gone . but its freakin impossible . caz apparently im not in a dream . i so need a miracle to change it from a nightmare to a beautiful dream . oh well . tt's how reality is . it crushes you and tears you into pieces and break you down till you cant take it anymore then go into depression and then start doing stoopid stuff . which apparently i wont do caz i love myself . i'll juz find a way through th nightmare . even if im all alone i wont give up .

and its juz a fever . and it aint tt high .its juz above th normal 37.5 range ..i dun have th stoopid piggy flu so stop saying i do ..

ignore me or not its ur choice .th decision is urs to make .juz live ur life happily and contentedly .i know im a nothing to you now .even if i stil wanna be friends you may not want it and want me out of ur life .i'll juz continue finding my way out of this .

BOO ! (:

midyears are finally over .should have tt happy feeling but where on earth has it gone to . i feel lyk screaming till i loose my voice and cry till i cant cry anymore . bloodyhell . wads wrong with me . i tink i'll need many more exams lyk everyday to keep me distracted and focused on studies instead of getting distracted by life's stoopid distractions . i rather th stress then gettin distracted .
bloodyhell .you tink you who sia . sae wad shet when you dun even know head or tail of th freakin situation .dunno anything then juz shuddup la .bloodybitch . omg . why on earth am i even thinking of you . i muz be going crazy . yeah . that muz be th case . lemme tell you this . i dun give a shet bout ur wadeva xiao jie pi qi kaay . you created tis shet get urself out of it luhh . i pity him sehh . muz clear th shet you created . wake up la . he aint ur servant and why on earth would i do sth tt wont benefit me . please la . use ur brain can .even 3 year old kid will know la . come on la . we juz stating out th facts n th truth . hate me ? come la . i scared you uhh . bloodyhell .
shall not rant on anymore .. spoil my mood only . yujun ! where you ? i going crazy already luhh . when you gonna reach home n online ? alvin also not online .. jianyi not online too .. nobody talk to .. sian .. lazy msg ppl also .. still muz wait for reply .. yujun muz tink im super vulgar .okaay .im nt th extreme kind bt caz of wads goin on im becoming more vulgar .i dun give a damm anyway .stoopid fone playing with my mind .showing me stuff i dun wan see and tricking me into believeing it and i also deleted stuff caz of it . wth . . midyears . eng tink can pass . chinese .i dunno .eye pain do quite slow n chionged th two compre . emaths . can pass . a maths . die .i stare at th paper it stare back at me . geog . maybe can pass . ss . dun really have a good feeling bout it . chem . more then 20marks i happy already . physics . can pass . bio . do until very happy lo . haha .
sae wad i remembering machine .before exam can rmb during exam i'll be lyk shet . i got study bt why cant i rmb . yeah .tt's her for you . haha . feels weird coming home so early .past few weeks bout seven plus or even later then reach home .. amazingly never get scolded at all .shall go stone while waiting for th da xiao jie come online .

this aint a fairytale and im not a princess . this is a nightmare and im struggling in th deep darkness to find tt glimmer of light and hope to pull myself out of this nightmare .and to a place where i'll be th princess of my very own fairytale and a place where dreams do come true .沒有白馬王子也沒有關係 . 只要每天開開心心 , 快快樂樂 過這屬於我自己的童話故事就夠了 .因為我知道總有一個部會拋棄我的人.永遠會培在我生邊不會離開我.


well .dunno if you'll read this or even come here at all .but if you do .i want you to know .i dont blame you for anything or hate you .so pretty please throw away all th guilt or wad shet .im hoping for a friendship like before .if ya dun wan it anymore juz tell me .like i said many times before .if ya ever need anyone when ur feeling down or alone rmb that you still have a super crazy and retarded friend here for you .and th crazy friend is contactable 24/7 , 365 days/year . haha . yeah . and if ya still feel guilty or wad YOU'RE FORGIVEN and you always will be . alright ? haha .