super tired now .... mentally tired and physically tired too . feeling super exhausted .

let's hope that i can survive this ...

idk why but i already lost more than 50% interest in this whole thing . is like a whole load of nonsense . this whole thing is nonsense. it's going no where . im really really tired . sometimes i just want to get out of this thing altogether . yes i know you anxious . but then dont you think all your pushing and then we having t worry bout stuff too will only crush us even more . im already struggling to breathe. i need space . i need air . not everybody crowding and taking away my air .

im already telling myself to be strong and face this whole thing bravely . but i guess it just doesnt work th way i want it huhh ..

how many times have i been on th verge of breaking down . tbh , i can tell you ALOT . not once not twice but really many many times .

whole day whole night these three words pass through my head like idk how many times . s and s . its not that we're not trying . we are already trying our best. cant you see it . firstly, you told us late. secondly, it's exam period ehh ! who in th right mind will go discuss when it's exams . aren't you contradicting yourselves . at first you said exams were important then now you say this whole load of nonsense also very important . so now what . you want us t sacrifice our gpa for a stupid 10 min performance . im sorry but no . i will not do it . these few days . you guys keep pushing and pushing . do you even know with each msg and meeting i get more and more demoralised . of course you wont .here i am trying t be strong . and yet i just crumble even further .

im really in a great big mess now . i really dont know uhh . not only you want th thing to be a success right . we also want it to be successful . ya i know you serious when you said you will scrape us off if our performance dont meet your standards . but dont you think sending that message at 2:17 in the morning is ridiculous . do you even know what you said will affect my sleep . and my life . im really breaking . i even dream of it now . do you even know how bad this is . of course you dont . all you can see is how inefficient we are and how lousy we are .. you said " dont make me loose trust in you" oh come on . you already made us dont like you by saying that . here we are trying our very very best and rushing everything and there you are giving a whole load of bullshit .

i really dont know anymore uhh . i really dont .......................