times like this ....

Times like this I just feel like escaping ... Found out things that just hurt me so bad .. But then again . It's like my body's natural reaction to numb myself against all these stuff . Like there's this auto switch off emotion mode . Which just kicks in whenever I want to escape or th thing that's happening hurts too much . Yes now I'm currently on a no emotion mode . Didn't even tell anybody . Like I just want to shut out th world . Except for kirro and jiajia and Ian and elvina . They could tell and they could see that sth was wrong . Love you guys <3 aiish . Idk . I really don't . To act dumb or what . I'm not a toy :( dammit . Why do I get this feeling that I was nothing but just a replacement while you were bored . Th realization was like smack in my face . Plus other stuff also . Sigh . Sad sad life :(