i miss stupid :( day one only ... havent spoken a word since reach home ...
stuff happened again ....
seems like society bringing more tears then smiles and laughter ...
but why am i still holding on ...
i dont know ...
is it cause of responsibility ? is it cause of people ? i really dont .
yes . i do have some close friends in society ...
they can make me smile but then again .
few as compared to majority ... idk . i really dont ....

and i dont know anymore .......

mood's getting worse as th night progresses ... from after school th a small bit sian manifested and now is like super super super super sian . till th point where can just cry anytime . even TW songs are not helping ... like it just doesnt make me high th way it always does ...
talked to frog th whole night ... froggy is super nice (: frog say " those who take in and swallow what those who dont know anything say are those that are worthy " yeah ... i'll try to become that .... somehow . but for now is just swallow down everything ... eat up everything ... and just pressure build up and die ....
ironic isnt it ... sad person cheering up another sad person ... yes im that nonsense ... to th point that idk also luhh ...
somehow started talking t ai si ke ... same same .. we are that kind need people/friends de .
so if you can see this , you know what you mean to me ..
really thankful for th awesome people all around me . that help me along th way . and make my sad life a whole lot better ...
idk why im feeling this way also :( like just suddenly mood plunge ... plunge so so so deep ....

my dear BFF/BKKF/F1 , i thank you for always being there for me . in class and out of class . listening to everything . like really really every single thing . big or small . really appreciate it a lot . and your story is still being written . it'll be th best that there ever is . th most wonderful and most magical and mind blowing experience. dont think lowly of yourself kaay <3
and SEITH ! and also BPF ! thankyou for all th laughs and everything . and always being there for me too . really really really appreciate you guys so so so so much <3 this 2 and a half years more with you guys will be like th best times ever <3
jacjacjac . idk if you will see this . but dear i love you like so much <3 you also dont look down on yourself kaay . what im going through and what they say, is not your fault . dearest dont cry . dont waste your tears over them . its not worth it . whatever may come in year 2 , always remember i'll still always love you and forever be there for you . even though we may be apart , like cca or idk what , you'll always have a place in my heart <3
dear jiajia , you know what i want to tell you (: because you know everything too . haha . love die you <3
and mama , i love you <3
and dipsy . im really sorry if i did scare you .thankyou for sharing what happened last time . and i really appreciate you a lot . and i think that you know it too . from th card and th post it .. i just cant put into words how greatful i am to you . and im really sorry bout sat night and last night . i really didnt mean to . im so so so so sorry . thankyou for being so awesome <3 and i really hope that when this is over , we'll still be talking t each other and not cease communication when this comes to an end .

idk why things are like up and down . idk why my body will naturally switch t happy mode when i go out . and idk anything anymore :( im tired .... like really tired ..... idw t think anymore ....

i know that i may not be th most lovable/bearable person . and at times i can be super unbearable . but thankyou for still loving me when i was unlovable and for lending me your shoulder/ear . really love each and everyone of you so so much <3

:(

Feeling super terrible now :( didn't even get t see mamalaura for th last time before she fly off :( by right can see de . But by left thanks t th mother then can't go anymore .... Really really really miss her luhh :( from a stranger to so close . When I still don't know her she already knew who I was . Isn't my real mum but still showers me with hugs and kisses and also knows what I like ... Really miss her so much :( After Practise went for dinner ... By th time go board bus eleven plus le ... And that's th time that th plane flies off :( all memories of her just came flooding in and started tearing on th bus . Useless me :( so not strong :( Feeling really sucks . So many regrets .... Don't like th way th mother always places emphasis on her stupid tuition kids .... Is like tuition kids > own kids . For so Many years ... Majority of th time , disappointments from you arise caz of those stupid kids . You know how I feel yet you're not doing anything bout it . You know this feeing just sucks so bad ....

and th fun that F1 goes through :D
cant make one complete gif caz th site only allows 20 frames at one time D:
and th awesome photographer took 40 (:

make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

yupp so this place is back to safeness . before idk how th world discovered it . back to the safe place where i can just rant bout anything and everything and dont have to worry bout unwanted people reading it anymore . tbh . i have no idea how hayden etc etc managed t come here . and you want to use what i say here against me , well you cant anymore . hah .

so ... a week has passed . tomorrow's friday already . today's one of the better days . where there's chem :D and maths . maths tutorial teacher is like so so so so so so much better than th lecturer . she explain everything so clearly . in a short and sweet way . whereas th lecturer is write on transparency and go on and on and on . like tell some story and no one gets it anyway . i guess obc is like th more interesting module for this sem .. and hopefully can A for it . really hope so . really need t do super well for this sem t pull up gpa :( kind of disappointed with what i got ...
moving on ... forgot what me and F1 was talking bout during maths tutorial then reply him with " no . dont you rmb im antisocial cold etcetc " then was kinda touched by his reply ? haha . once jiahao told me this . is what people think that important . well . maybe to him, th kind coolcool one it doesnt matter .. but sometimes even though i say that i dont care but i really do care sometimes ... maybe i think too much ? maybe is just caring too much ? idk ... he also said . people only look at cover . yes that i agree with . covers may be decieving . is the content that matters. can we all not be superficial monsters that judge covers ... yahh . i admit at times i do judge covers also . but i do try t understand th content also . personally, my cover is what you call antisocial blahblahblah . that's caz i have a wall . there's a wall built there . idw to let people know too much lest they make use/idk what again . idw to be that vulnerable to people . call it selfish or what idk . it's not a very stable wall . actually it's kinda flimsy .. to th extent that i actually let calvin see a bit through th wall today . nana told me that people were like suprised/stun/idk what t see me smile . like hello . im human . i do smile ... it's just those people that have already conquered the wall that will always see it . and know bout all my nonsense . hehe . well . im trying . trying to break out . i have moved . i did move . im really trying . stop slamming me back down .
what i super hate now is people asking me how it's like between me and colleen . like seriously ... i already decided to let it go . mummy also say let it go . since idw t care anymore can you stop asking ... tbh . is she too sensitive and think too much on her own part . i swear i didnt do anything at all .

super miss baby :( havent seen him in like so so so so long .. like throughout whole holiday also never see. sad die me D: only one day when i came home i saw my toy car in th living room then i asked mama why it's there then she said baby came and went to my room and take th car himself .. i super miss baby now :( :( :( i want see baby like soonnnnnnnnn .
stupid going camp next week D: gonna miss stupid so much luhh . nobody entertain me D: for like 3-4 days D: D: D: got th whole room to myself . but so lonely :( :(

LIGHTNING :D

title has totally no link to post . but oh well . dont care . hehe .
and so today 2nd day of school .. yesterday was accent day . and today maths and physics day D: and tomorrow will be a super nonsense day D: that stupid in my class again D: grrrrrrrr . stupid school .. accountancy and lsct so many people . but why suaysuay must same class as you again . grrrrrrrrrr . angry is me .

went piano-ing with bff and th rest :D played for bout half an hour . then back t th land of no reception ... teacher no let me listen music D: first you take away azhar and ryan and then next you no let me listen music . school of IS seriously super screwed . music is like energy source. if not hear you talk i confirm fall asleep . electech is like super physics . super dont like it D:

teachers with accents = hard to understand . local teachers = like lullaby ... gahh . this sem is like maths maths and more maths ... can die ..
not looking forward to tomorrow . not at all :( let's hope that th accountancy people will be nice ...

went for worship chalet over th weekend . like a weird only .. what they talk about is like mainly for main comm people .. and i also not in main comm . dont know they ask me go for what ... and then th sermons during th chalet was good . but then missed out on so much caz keep going to toilet D: but thank goodness that daddy was there then he take care of me for th time we were there . hehe . even went out to buy medicine for me :D it was kind of a good weekend i guess ? no wifi no connection with outside world no worries no nothing . just stay there relax and think of nothing at all . sounds like escaping huhh .
tired much :(

idk how in th world this hidden place became found .....
anyway . just so you know . reason why i join society . simple . two words . FAMILY, LOVE. through foc can really see th love and bond between th sgls and agls and aagls etc . i remember telling kelly that i can see th love and th bonds and i want that also .
why am i happier with sgls ... simple . reason being can really feel th love . for own batch is like oh okaay lo that kind of feeling . we always emphasize on family . must be family . but seriously luhh . personally i feel that th family feel is not there . is all clique clique clique . yahh say want mix . but th bond already there le . it isnt easy to chup in . whole batch so many quiet people . not only me . why they can get away with it . like what kimleng say how will i feel . you dont know right . you dont know what nonsense my body is giving me now right . i have to sit there enduring the cold and th pain and th people beside me are asking me to go outside and warm up first . i really really really felt like walking out on th whole thing . and stupid dipsy just left me there to die .. thanks uhh ... but really . th person that's been enduring all my nonsense and pushing me along th way jiu shi dipsy le . whatever problems that come he also know . he really really really help alot alot alot .and i really thank him and appreciate him alot for that . th person that approach from the start and then say whatever problems can just tell him . from day idk what till now . he's always there . never leaving . even though sometime never reply texts but really really really thankful for being that source of strength through this whole thing . despite having own problem and stress and everything, he still helps me alot alot . and i really greatful for that . like really really really appreciate everything . even when i cry and no one else knows, he knows. he also gets stressed up and stuff but he never turns away . forever there . hopefully after this whole thing ends, we still can be like talking like normal . just content of convo change .. from work to other stuff ..

today was kinda fun i guess (:
woke up early and nua on th bed till became late . but still reach school before 10 . hah .
dipsy was super stun when gave him his present (: hehe . should have given it on sunday .. since he stay so near church .. oh well . he was like omgomgomg for idk how long and super happy . hahaha . azhar also same reaction . so cute luhh they (:
then whole time during practise dance dance dance . then now knee/leg pain again . sigh .
bussed to church with dipsy (: new bus buddy :D haha . no awkward silences and th journey like pass so fast .crapped th whole time . like everything and anything . and he got th whole list of who have what condition thing then went to google mine for idk what reason . then read out symptoms and then look at me . and then say yes or no . then teach how to figure out password that th school gave us . hehe . he like some super big kid .
oh well. saw dumbdumb brother today :D :D dumbdumb dyed his hair and cutted it . no more nice nice fringe .. but still . got to see him after so so so so so long . but never get t talk . sian . at least now he replies texts and msn :D
gonna meet maureen , candy , akalya , deric , randy , jon , jocelyn , li ming later :D happy is me :D must must must take more photos ! that time take de all never upload D: dont know with who also .
super tired . havent do script also . sian max . sigh . oh well . sleep more important :D hehehe

tbh . idk why it as to come all down to this . oh so you want to talk about appropriateness . so today leaving early for me was inappropriate but for you the previous it was ? what nonsense are you talking about. on monday . for th showcase. you left early just to get a freaking referral letter for your face. cant you wait till practise was over. is your stupid letter that important . so leaving early for that is appropriate luhh . we had to wait for you to come back before we could start another round. you think you damm big uhh . then on another occasion. SS had practise and he could go for th whole thing and in th end you went out with him till 4pm . and he went late for practise. so you think that that is appropriate . omg . use your brains luhh please . you want compare appropriateness . why dont you look at yourself first before saying others . when point finger at others. four fingers are pointing back at yourself . think before you speak . like seriously . idk what game you trying to play . idk what's gotten into you . seriously . things are getting out of hand . im sorry but it has come all down to this . you broke it once . you broke it again .there's this saying once bitten twice shy . but you had two chances . and now . no more . enough is enough . i had enough . im already controlling . idw this to become like some super serious thing . but seriously . i really think that there's no room to talk anymore . idk who you have become . and soon a wall will be errected to block you out . by that time it'll be too late for you to do anything to salvage it . it takes two hands to clap . if you're going to blow your chances everytime, i dont see why i should be so nice to you anymore . have fun on your own . this really is it .

disappointed much ...

You . Of all people . And I thought you would know how I'm like . Well . I guess I was wrong . You give me your fked up attitude and still dare t ask what's wrong . Since you dont want t answer people just say you don't know anything luhh . Stupid . Today totally ruined thanks t you . Idk what game you trying t play here . I'm not interested in your game . Dinner was like WOAH . Laugh till stomach pain . And all thanks t you , my happy bubble just popped .