my universe will never be the same .im glad you came :D

* TER TER TER TERTER TER TER TER TER TER ~ * Ahahaha . The Wanted is th new love <3 me likey :D HAHAHA . Nathan Sykes is super cute . Tom and siva also . Siva is like so cool . Is half Sri lankan and half Irish . So coolll . No wonder he looks different . Hehe . Cant tell th Brit accent lehh . Prescilla and Ian say the Brit accent strong . But it sounds normal t me :( Anyways . END OF EXAMS :D like finally . FREEDOMMMMM :D seven weeks of Fun fun fun and more fun :D Hehe . Gonna experiment with my hair and try sth new (: hopefully it turns out well (: wheeee ~ damm high now . The Wanted is like some drug . Gonna dig out all their songs and go find them .

one down three to go ...

yupp ! one down three t go ! i can do this !
soonsoon . a while more and exams will be over .

today sat there study th whole afternoon . and only touched itouch every one hour plus . and never touch phone at all . hehe . yaye me :D

so today finished re-doing all IPC tutorials and did one paper . ugh . only got like 71%. hopefully can do better for exam . i really really need that A .
finally uploaded photos after so so so so long . like finally got th mood t upload . from last year november till christmas . so manymany pretty photos :D ahahah.
tmr must do thermo paper . grrr . im so gonna fail that luhh :(
havent even touch much of bio . well done .
ahhh . just spent th whole night watching tv .grrr .
back t th books ....

BOO ! (:

So tomorrow's th first paper ... Well .not sure if got prepare enough .. Did five papers plus half th tutorials . Should be enough I guess .. Hmmm . Thank goodness tmr is maths and not any other subject if not I'll really be super under prepared . Today I really really studied . Like finally . Sat there for three hours Doing thermo and maths . And didn't touch phone or itouch at all . Yaye me :D hahaha . Oh well . I guess it's really really time t start studying for th rest of th papers . For now . Bed time :D

you know you're so dead ......

When notes aren't attractive/appealing enough . And th exams are just next week ! Ugh . Can't seem t find motivation t study . And too many distractions at home ! So far only did three maths papers and one Chem paper . And never really study at all . But I really don't feel like studying at all . Like I totally lost my motivation . This is super bad . Super super bad . Ughhhhhh .

<3

Met my dearest jiajia for brunch today <3 <3 Mehhh .can't see you till next sem D: except during society .which is only once a week .... Super tired now ..... Shoulder feels like it's being yanked out/pushed down .super painful . :( Last day of sem one .exams coming real soon :( so fast .on th bright side ,dont need t see stupid people anymore :D on th not so bright side , can't see my trio and nana and chenchen and jiajia D: I must say . God never fails t surprise me every single time .when I thought I would fail th tests , th results just simply stun me .IPC test was insanely hard yet still managed t get 29.5/40 .thermo test too .didn't fail that either .yuppyupp . All thanks t Him .

you'll never know what im feeling ....

yesyou .you can go fly away for all I care .bloodyliar .every single time you get someone new you never fail t feed me with lies . If you want me t trust you ,prove t me that you can be trusted . Prove t me that you still want t be a part of my life .don't just talk .talk is easy and cheap .prove it . The reason this place is alive is caz of you .gone are th cobwebs .you ask me what's wrong .what's wrong .if you did bother t continue comin here you would know .but oh no . You wouldn't know because apparently you don't care anymore .

i dont know what to feel anymore ......

These few days been riding on an emotional roller coaster i guess . Up down left right upside down . Haii . I also don't know luhh . Does th lies seem nicer t you . Why do you even bother lying t me when I already know th truth .you regard me as your sister and yet you feed me with lies .do you even know how much that hurts me .... I don't know anymore .I don't know who I can trust .this whole thing this whole place is just a whole load of rubbish . But still .I'm still thankful for th people closest t my heart . They know who they are . They seen th worst of me and they seen th best of me and they still stick by me . Really love you so much <3 ,I used t ask WHY? why did advertising reject me when I could get into it .Mass comm was out of th question since i failed the interview . But now I guess I can see th bigger picture . Advertising and mcm is not my thing .I'm not creative nor am I that outspoken . Being in LSCT is like being at home .there's just this homely feel .being in a place where I am no longer afraid t say that YES IM A CHRISTIAN . because there are quite a lot of people in my life now that are also Christians and they are really awesome . And yes i also love my other friends too . No matter what th religion , i still love you <3 really thank God for puttin me in LSCT instead of FMS .th people here are much warmer and friendlier and really like family <3

idw t fall back into that state :( idw t go through that all again . but now all th walls are falling down again and im once again sucked into that vortex .idw to be thrown into the bottom of the pit with such helplessness. i cant even help myself out. its like im trapped in that hole of sadness. i dont know why . the storms are all closing in. real heavy and bad storms. they're just too tough to take .idw t experience that same helplessness all over again . will you help pull me out of th pit that im in ? th person that pulled me out before has walked out :( i really need you now do you know that . why did you have t walk out :( yes im sorry. im that dependant on people. but i really really need help.maybe im th one that really needs medication and has depression. maybe i am th one and not you .i dont know anymore :( i dont want t stay in th pit. i really need someone or something to provide me with a rope or ladder so i can get out .

JESUS, HOLD ME NOW - CASTING CROWNS

Living on my own, thinking for myself
Castles in the sand, temporary wealth
Now the walls are falling down
Now the storms are closing in
And here I am again

Jesus, hold me now
I need to feel You in this place
To know You’re by my side
And hear Your voice tonight
Jesus, hold me now
I long for Your embrace
I’m beat and broken down
I can’t find my way out
Jesus, hold me now

Curse this morning sun, drags me into one more day
Of reaping what I’ve sown, living with my shame
Welcome to my world, and the life that I have made
One day you’re a prince, and the next day you’re a slave

Lord, I just looked up today
And realized how far away I am from where You are
I don’t know what else to pray
Broken at Your feet I lay
The life I’ve torn apart

Jesus, hold me now
Jesus, hold me now
Jesus, hold me now
Jesus, hold me now

...........…

Idw t fall out of this path that I'm taking .I'm not a quitter and Idw t be one .but idk how t carry on .th path now has too many obstacles .even me is discouraging me . idk what t do with me .like what kc say ,idk is just an excuse .an excuse not t think .an excuse t escape from reality .you suck .four months back you said I could call you anytime at night t tell you anything even three or four am also can .now you don't even care .you don't even reply msn . If you do ,it'll just be "LOL" . maybe I'm just that dumb t have trusted you . Idk luhh . Idkidkidkidkidkidk . T quit or not t quit . Seeing th group ICs complain bout how they dont know their groupmates and must go get their contacts and how they will die and I'm like thinking t myself " hello I have 83 ppl t get contacts from and I only know a few ppl. If you 10 ppl going t die wouldn't I have died long ago" . It's just I'm even doubting myself now luhh . Jac say just treat it like organizing gambit outing . This is like gambit x8 . Even gambit outing ,sometimes will get quite pek chek .now is eight times th number of people . How .you tell me how .idk .I really don't .stupid body .stomach why must you hurt now .body why must you make me feel like vomitting now . What is wrong with everything :(

there's always gonna be another mountain ......

well i guess another mountain is staring at me right now . have t find a way t get across this .i dont know what i got myself into. i feel useless . like calvin's doing all th work . yesterday itself he already came up with th document t collate contact numbers and all i did ytd after reaching home is sleep . and today he sent out email containing th rough outline of th thing . and idk anything at all . no . didnt even make th effort t ask what is what and etc etc . fail much . no communication at all . he's just like a bullet train forging ahead and im like an old steam train trying t catch up with him . old steam train will fall apart and break down before being able t catch up with bullet train .he doesnt tell me anything at all . how on earth are we supposed t work together . so you must be thinking " go ask him luhh . so easy also dont know " th thing is i dont know also . i dont know him at all . and then you must be thinking "excuses" .

now it's like conflict . not with anybody . but with myself .yes im insane . im fighting with myself . i dont know if i can pull through. i dont have faith in me .asking myself if i should give up or not . but as jac said th reason i am oic is caz they believe that i can .but really now i really dont know . i dont have confidence in myself . as most people will say "pray" . yes i know . but idk where t start . so much shit has been going on and i just dont know .He knows what im going through right down t th most minute detail but i just dont know how t tell Him .....

dear daddy, im really really really messed up now :( on th verge of crying . you know what i've been going through . from th rubbish in class to what i have t take from my family and all .you know how im feeling . i just hope that you give me th strength t overcome all this . i need you more than ever now .yes i know i've been drifting away . slowly making th distance larger and all . but i really really hope that you can provide me with the strength and courage to face these .courage t stand up . and strength t take it all in and still face the world with a smile .i thankyou for supportive friends but they are not enough . the root of th problem lies in me . i hope that you can help me untangle th mess in my heart that im facing and help me through all these . help me press on and continue fighting this fight .fighting it in a way that can bring glory t you .

:(

feels kinda messed up now :( idk why . It's been so long since I last felt this . From frustration , it turns t helplessness then now so messed up . Daddy , I really need you now :( I need strength . Strength t overcome . I need loads of it . So much things t do and so little time . Rushing stupid commiss project and th bloody group doesn't want t cooperate . Losers . And so many tests also . And exams are coming too . Can just kill me now . Too much on my plate . Too much for me t handle ... being crushed by all these things . RAWR . I wanna be burden free :( so so so many things t worry about also . Hais .