there's always gonna be another mountain ......

well i guess another mountain is staring at me right now . have t find a way t get across this .i dont know what i got myself into. i feel useless . like calvin's doing all th work . yesterday itself he already came up with th document t collate contact numbers and all i did ytd after reaching home is sleep . and today he sent out email containing th rough outline of th thing . and idk anything at all . no . didnt even make th effort t ask what is what and etc etc . fail much . no communication at all . he's just like a bullet train forging ahead and im like an old steam train trying t catch up with him . old steam train will fall apart and break down before being able t catch up with bullet train .he doesnt tell me anything at all . how on earth are we supposed t work together . so you must be thinking " go ask him luhh . so easy also dont know " th thing is i dont know also . i dont know him at all . and then you must be thinking "excuses" .

now it's like conflict . not with anybody . but with myself .yes im insane . im fighting with myself . i dont know if i can pull through. i dont have faith in me .asking myself if i should give up or not . but as jac said th reason i am oic is caz they believe that i can .but really now i really dont know . i dont have confidence in myself . as most people will say "pray" . yes i know . but idk where t start . so much shit has been going on and i just dont know .He knows what im going through right down t th most minute detail but i just dont know how t tell Him .....

dear daddy, im really really really messed up now :( on th verge of crying . you know what i've been going through . from th rubbish in class to what i have t take from my family and all .you know how im feeling . i just hope that you give me th strength t overcome all this . i need you more than ever now .yes i know i've been drifting away . slowly making th distance larger and all . but i really really hope that you can provide me with the strength and courage to face these .courage t stand up . and strength t take it all in and still face the world with a smile .i thankyou for supportive friends but they are not enough . the root of th problem lies in me . i hope that you can help me untangle th mess in my heart that im facing and help me through all these . help me press on and continue fighting this fight .fighting it in a way that can bring glory t you .