ohh see see <3

Yepppp . So camp was last week . But still . Fun (: Relived FOC times (: just with different people . Forever with nana . Foc , oac , trial camp . Even roypa also know . See le then will give th face . Ohwell . Foc confirm not same le . Love deardear alot (: while waiting for night walk let me lie on her sleep . Haha . Then during camp whenever not in groups confirm talking to each other . Idk bout next year . But let's make whatever time we have left count (: Was telling Jan if had to guy girl pair for night walk and if have to choose from own group , I want go with alvis and really in th end they group us together . So qiao . Haha . So go walkwalk . When in front of close Friends , will tend to show real feelings more . Both scared but he still brave (: do almost everything . Nice friend (: haha . While waiting for th rest to finish went sit at kerb there sleep. Sleep halfway suddenly cough alot then got one hand come pat me (: hehehe . Turns out to be huaihui <3 at first got bigbig gap between us but after that no gap anymore then orhorh till everybody finish . Then play more games th next day then me happy that jiajia like her present (: wheeeee (: everybody going overseas now :( I also want lehhhh :(

LOVE

i like how past few weeks sermon and msges from people tie in nicely and fit in nicely (: it just makes everything nicer in a way ? like how can just have more time to think about everything. and just reflect ? these few weeks , the word LOVE just seems to pop out . it’s like the main message of everything. below are just some stuff that i took away . it’s really like back to basics . but the whole meaning just became so much clearer.

what is Christmas ? it isnt bout presents and lights and everything . but it’s all about Jesus . and th greatest gift of all : LOVE . He could have been born at a later time where his death could be more merciful but no . He was born there and then so as to identify with every pain and suffering that we go through. He chose to suffer with us and for us . in all the sufferings, He went beyond the demands of suffering into the demands of love. He is love . He gave His son for us as he could not bear to watch millions of souls trapped in hell eternally .
Christmas is not just a birth of a baby but the birth of a promised one that will save us.
so you say. why was he not born in an inn or some high class place . reason being , He was born in the stable next to lambs and other animals to show that one day He will be the lamb that will be sacrificed for us . first people that knew about the birth were shepherds and at that time they were considered the lowest class people and unclean and unworthy. this just goes to show that no matter who we are and no matter how the world sees us , God loves us (:
everyone wants to be accepted and loved the way they are. but how often can we really accept people just the way they are . that is human nature to judge and all . but God accepted us just as we are . for me , i do try . but it is definitely not one of the easiest tasks . one of our greatest needs is to be loved and God is love and only he can meet this need .
let’s say you watched this movie where it shows a man abusing his kids and beating up his wife and doing so much evil. yet in the end, he strikes the jackpot at the casino and th movie ends with him being rich and happy. we would expect that he would be punished but yet he goes away a happy man. at this time we may be questioning , “where is justice?”.
It is said that when we die, there will be judgement. if our life was played out as a movie for all the people to see, what will we see ? anger? laziness? shameful events ? personally , i think that mine will be of stuff that i dont want people to know . yes my life isnt all that perfect and have done wrong at one point or another .
after watching the previous movie, we expect the guy to be punished. but after watching our own movie, wont there also be consequences for our actions ? It is said that THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH. but God does not want us to suffer in hell . and to save us He gave up His only son. One death to save many . our greatest problem/fear is death in hell. but it is this child that can make a difference. With this love, death will not have the last say but God will have the last say .
Who else can give us this love except God .

So what does Christmas really mean to you? Is it just the dazzling lights, or the hustle and bustle of preparing present, or just another holiday? There is a very special gift. A gift that is FREE for all. The greatest gift in the world. The gift is LOVE. The unconditional LOVE of God, is the best gift ever. Love so great that he sent his one and only son for us. For this purpose, Jesus was born in the manger to bring God’s LOVE to us. Jesus was born to bring all of mankind closer to God. Even if you travel to the ends of the earth, you are unable to find a greater LOVE than this. This is better than all the riches of the world. It is waiting outside your heart, waiting for you to open up your heart to accept this wonderful gift. Whoever believes in Him, shall not parish but have eternal life. He is the BEST gift ever. :)

NEVER ALONE . NEVER UNLOVED . FOREVER LOVED .

look into your eyes , imagine life without you ~

ahaha . so th title has nothing to do with this. it just so happens to be the lyrics of the song that im listening to.

went sentosa yesterday :D
when first reached there didnt have umbrella so walked in th rain . then suddenly got shelter . then turn around and see ian . so nice right (: then we go playplayplay and more play (:
and so yesterday explored sentosa barefooted . cool or cool . hahaha . rest of the groups take bus/monorail to next destination and my group everything on foot . doesnt matter if we came in last . it's the experience that counts .walking through the forest . with some areas flooded and running all around . finding our way together .
didnt matter if th whole day rain . was still fun when we all ran around together in the rain .
then blahblahblah . stuff happened then blahblahblah . then went arcade . thankyou roypa <3 for lending your card (: and also for mrt ride back that time we talk . helped to take mind off things (: yupp . another day then we continue our convo again (: mrt ride too short to finish .ahahaha .

you make me smile :D

Second best weekend yet . CT officially over and did better than expected for ochem (: right after last paper came home and planned on sleeping but went to watch Dolphin Tale instead . Nice show (: then went cycling at night :D Awesome company (: and th weather super nice also . So Saturday morning was spent doing that and Late afternoon onwards till night was really fun . Like how it's just a few of us then we can just talk about anything and everything . Really like htht instead of casual convo . Too big group = can't achieve that . And today . Idk why but just happy th whole day (: and bought shirt again .. Just got two from threadless and now bought another ..not from threadless though . Oh well . All 3 very cute (: and jiahao bought th right sweet from japan for me :D happy me :D now got th super nice mint milk sweet :D talked to deardear today too <3 hehehe . And Gonna meet dear tmr :D

three down one to go . past two papers have been demoralizing .? idk .. just have that bad feeling bout it ..
studies aside ... have a feeling that my life is super off focused now . is like focused on the wrong aspects of it all . like what he said . why spend so much time on studying for just that 2 hours or dont know what paper. results arent everything . and th thing that really is important is not earthly stuffs/riches . then went to a certain caterpillar's tumblr and saw a similar post . bout earthly riches arent everything thing .
maybe it's a sign ? a sign that i should start correcting the path and make it back on track again ?
i guess in this society , it's just pushing you towards grades and all . without grades, what can we do ? everything is grades grades and more grades . the better your grades are, the better it is .
in the process ,i guess i just started to loose myself . getting pushed and confined by grades and studying . wanting to please the parents and maybe self expectations . expectations . they can either help or kill . so we do have expectations of ourselves and sometimes when we dont meet them , i'll just feel totally sian . like sometimes even though outside im like yeah everything's fine . it's just a grade its nothing . but inside is like wthhhhhhhhhh . whywhywhy .
sigh . i guess this correcting of path aint gonna be easy . it's easy to say oh sure im gonna fix my eyes on that cross and just ignore everything else in this world . but in reality , it's hard . like how they push you , step on you and all . sometimes everything just gets blurred and focus is lost . hopefully can get back the focus before it's all too late ....

pathetic .

And so begins th CT week . Starts of with Maths paper . Amount of revision done for everything : pathetically little .... have a feeling that not gonna do well .... Don't know why this sem just don't have that motivation to study . And got a lot of memory work :( and my brain feels like there's so much stuff inside and nth can go in .... How to remember all th other stuff ....... And i got a feeling that migraine's on it's way ... Oh yaye ..... Feeling th sharp pains .it's like hit and go . Hit and go . Sian ttm . These few days stomach acting up again..... Keep on pain pain pain . Worst part is when lie down , th pain spreads out and diffuses .... No more concentrated . :( rather one area then whole thing pain ... Back to CT .. maths is th only thing that I have confidence for . Th rest .... Not really ... Obc ... Eltech ... Icbe ... Eltech is like pure physics all over again . The torture . :( Already looking forward to the holidays even before CT even starts . Just hope that all goes well ............

:D:

Just depends how you look at it . :D: can be happy face and at th same time a sad face . So .... S&S is over . That's like one chapter closed . Smiles joy tears laughter fun everything . Memories to keep . Three months of work . Yupp . Waiting for the videos to be up . Tbh .when th curtains opened and half th LT was empty I was kinda disheartened ? Like they all just come to watch their friends perform then after that leave . Are we not worthy of their attention . Everything we went through since the start was just for this . Amount of tears shed can like become river for some country le . For th past few months there were this group of people that were always there for me ever since the very start of it all . Azhar , Clara , Varina , Jacqueline , Si Jia , Zijian , Prescilla , Ian , Alee , Weijie , Jan . These few people kept me going and I'm really grateful for them (: we cried we smiled we laughed we played . But through it all , I guess indeed we did grow closer (: thankyou for your ears and hugs and everything (: love you <3 And so CT next week . So not prepared . So dead . parents plus some people giving additional stress . Plus no motivation at all . Really really dead . Today was yet another roller coaster I would say .ups and downs th whole day . Broke down just now ... It just came just like that and poof . And th pain sets in . You know me you will know when I'm irritated/agitated/sad th idk what nonsense thing will start to hurt ALOT . so th pain intensified . Th more I think th more it hurt and th intensity increase . Sigh . I don't know . Messed up much . Yes I would say so . Messedupgirllivinginhermessedupworld :(

.

Lying on th sofa waiting for time t pass ... Later got booth . I have no idea how t explain th experiment . And then got IJ assessment thing D: Last night was one of th earlier nights I slept in a long while ... Slept at 11 . Then woke up at 530 to study . Did maths and eltech and went back sleep . Aye . Th week just pass so fast . Few more weeks to CT and definitely not prepared at all .... Sighhhh :( shall go back t sleep first ... Still early ....

flyyyyyy (:

And so ... Group games are over (: went well I guess ? That night = scary night :( headache till cannot recognize people and see double image :( Well at least now better le (: So Wednesday went for double s&w with ham . Was fun (: And so today's stupid's graduation :D Ponning icbe tutorial for him . Should feel honored ! Haha . Then after that going for dinner and movie with ham , jacq and huaihui :D schedule like so pack :( hopefully can find enough time for everything . Saturday going out somemore .... Sigh .. Thank God for healing E and making him better (: indeed with you around , nothing is impossible ! (:

.

Traumatized .shocked.stunned .idk . Lying on bed and tears just keep flowing .

life....

this just feels so wrong somehow... its like there's this sick feeling inside of me .
two deaths in one day . what is it with the world . one hanged herself one jumped . both around th same time somemore . seriously . reason behind their deaths , bullying . then again brings back to th question . wtf is wrong with this world . if you were th bully and found out that they died caz of you how would you feel . if it was me , i would be like super super guilty .
ugh . i just dont know . suddenly it just feels like life is so fragile ..... like anyone can die anytime .

im scared . i really am . i dont want to loose anybody . its like ... idk how t describe this feeling .. it feels wrong and sick somehow . its like not even related to me but somehow im just affected . is this how th world is like ? is th world really that bad ? idk .
what ian said is true .. who knows . if we didnt have God , who knows . instead of them dying , we might be th ones dead . th pressure . th idk what . used to experience this . th feeling just sucks so bad . everyday i'll just be like in a super bad mood and i can just shout at anybody and just start crying. just think . in singapore , it's mild . in ang moh countries , its so so so much worse . imagine if we already cant take th mild ones , if in ang moh land , i dont know how i'll survive . maybe i'll even end up like them in that situation ?
im really scared . like what if one day it really happens . like i loose someone really close t me . i think i'll just loose it altogether . my biggest fear now is loosing my grandma . other than me , ace will also go crazy . caz he's also super attached to her . imagine the torture he has to go through as a kid if it really happens any time soon . which i obviously dont want it to . but i cant tell th future . idk what's gonna happen .
life is like so fragile . suddenly this world doesnt seem that safe anymore . it's like we're hanging onto a thread . one that can suddenly snap anytime . safe or unsafe . fragile or not . idk .........

but one thing's for sure is that im really scared ....

cause some days stay gold forever (:

And so now it's 1:27am . Lightning just flashed . Thunder just sounded . Kaay random . Oh well . Back to topic . Week passed by so fast ! And th year is almost gone too . And only one more month left t CT D: die :( Friday went out with th two most awesome people ever <3 Time spent together was great (: Sorry that you guys took super long t get home :( So ... IJ damm suay . Same group as her -.- sad life :( S&w was fun I guess (: th teacher's cool (: after it ended , jelly legs . Abraham also . Then training . Then Thursday th suffering sets in :( climb stairs = painnnnnn :( but I guess being selected for that sport? Is kind of a privilege ? Since so many want it and can't get it ... Tbh I is put for fun de . Caz everybody say can't get in so just put for fun and see . Then really get in . Super stun . Kaay so now I can't sleep :( Grrrrr . Thank God for giving me a real good sleep on Friday night (: slept at 1030pm . That's like th earliest ever since primary school . Then slept till Saturday 10am (: hehe . Almost 12 hours . With no disruption (: And I like how I dreamt of TW on either wed or Thursday night (: hehehe

i miss stupid :( day one only ... havent spoken a word since reach home ...
stuff happened again ....
seems like society bringing more tears then smiles and laughter ...
but why am i still holding on ...
i dont know ...
is it cause of responsibility ? is it cause of people ? i really dont .
yes . i do have some close friends in society ...
they can make me smile but then again .
few as compared to majority ... idk . i really dont ....

and i dont know anymore .......

mood's getting worse as th night progresses ... from after school th a small bit sian manifested and now is like super super super super sian . till th point where can just cry anytime . even TW songs are not helping ... like it just doesnt make me high th way it always does ...
talked to frog th whole night ... froggy is super nice (: frog say " those who take in and swallow what those who dont know anything say are those that are worthy " yeah ... i'll try to become that .... somehow . but for now is just swallow down everything ... eat up everything ... and just pressure build up and die ....
ironic isnt it ... sad person cheering up another sad person ... yes im that nonsense ... to th point that idk also luhh ...
somehow started talking t ai si ke ... same same .. we are that kind need people/friends de .
so if you can see this , you know what you mean to me ..
really thankful for th awesome people all around me . that help me along th way . and make my sad life a whole lot better ...
idk why im feeling this way also :( like just suddenly mood plunge ... plunge so so so deep ....

my dear BFF/BKKF/F1 , i thank you for always being there for me . in class and out of class . listening to everything . like really really every single thing . big or small . really appreciate it a lot . and your story is still being written . it'll be th best that there ever is . th most wonderful and most magical and mind blowing experience. dont think lowly of yourself kaay <3
and SEITH ! and also BPF ! thankyou for all th laughs and everything . and always being there for me too . really really really appreciate you guys so so so so much <3 this 2 and a half years more with you guys will be like th best times ever <3
jacjacjac . idk if you will see this . but dear i love you like so much <3 you also dont look down on yourself kaay . what im going through and what they say, is not your fault . dearest dont cry . dont waste your tears over them . its not worth it . whatever may come in year 2 , always remember i'll still always love you and forever be there for you . even though we may be apart , like cca or idk what , you'll always have a place in my heart <3
dear jiajia , you know what i want to tell you (: because you know everything too . haha . love die you <3
and mama , i love you <3
and dipsy . im really sorry if i did scare you .thankyou for sharing what happened last time . and i really appreciate you a lot . and i think that you know it too . from th card and th post it .. i just cant put into words how greatful i am to you . and im really sorry bout sat night and last night . i really didnt mean to . im so so so so sorry . thankyou for being so awesome <3 and i really hope that when this is over , we'll still be talking t each other and not cease communication when this comes to an end .

idk why things are like up and down . idk why my body will naturally switch t happy mode when i go out . and idk anything anymore :( im tired .... like really tired ..... idw t think anymore ....

i know that i may not be th most lovable/bearable person . and at times i can be super unbearable . but thankyou for still loving me when i was unlovable and for lending me your shoulder/ear . really love each and everyone of you so so much <3

:(

Feeling super terrible now :( didn't even get t see mamalaura for th last time before she fly off :( by right can see de . But by left thanks t th mother then can't go anymore .... Really really really miss her luhh :( from a stranger to so close . When I still don't know her she already knew who I was . Isn't my real mum but still showers me with hugs and kisses and also knows what I like ... Really miss her so much :( After Practise went for dinner ... By th time go board bus eleven plus le ... And that's th time that th plane flies off :( all memories of her just came flooding in and started tearing on th bus . Useless me :( so not strong :( Feeling really sucks . So many regrets .... Don't like th way th mother always places emphasis on her stupid tuition kids .... Is like tuition kids > own kids . For so Many years ... Majority of th time , disappointments from you arise caz of those stupid kids . You know how I feel yet you're not doing anything bout it . You know this feeing just sucks so bad ....

and th fun that F1 goes through :D
cant make one complete gif caz th site only allows 20 frames at one time D:
and th awesome photographer took 40 (:

make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

yupp so this place is back to safeness . before idk how th world discovered it . back to the safe place where i can just rant bout anything and everything and dont have to worry bout unwanted people reading it anymore . tbh . i have no idea how hayden etc etc managed t come here . and you want to use what i say here against me , well you cant anymore . hah .

so ... a week has passed . tomorrow's friday already . today's one of the better days . where there's chem :D and maths . maths tutorial teacher is like so so so so so so much better than th lecturer . she explain everything so clearly . in a short and sweet way . whereas th lecturer is write on transparency and go on and on and on . like tell some story and no one gets it anyway . i guess obc is like th more interesting module for this sem .. and hopefully can A for it . really hope so . really need t do super well for this sem t pull up gpa :( kind of disappointed with what i got ...
moving on ... forgot what me and F1 was talking bout during maths tutorial then reply him with " no . dont you rmb im antisocial cold etcetc " then was kinda touched by his reply ? haha . once jiahao told me this . is what people think that important . well . maybe to him, th kind coolcool one it doesnt matter .. but sometimes even though i say that i dont care but i really do care sometimes ... maybe i think too much ? maybe is just caring too much ? idk ... he also said . people only look at cover . yes that i agree with . covers may be decieving . is the content that matters. can we all not be superficial monsters that judge covers ... yahh . i admit at times i do judge covers also . but i do try t understand th content also . personally, my cover is what you call antisocial blahblahblah . that's caz i have a wall . there's a wall built there . idw to let people know too much lest they make use/idk what again . idw to be that vulnerable to people . call it selfish or what idk . it's not a very stable wall . actually it's kinda flimsy .. to th extent that i actually let calvin see a bit through th wall today . nana told me that people were like suprised/stun/idk what t see me smile . like hello . im human . i do smile ... it's just those people that have already conquered the wall that will always see it . and know bout all my nonsense . hehe . well . im trying . trying to break out . i have moved . i did move . im really trying . stop slamming me back down .
what i super hate now is people asking me how it's like between me and colleen . like seriously ... i already decided to let it go . mummy also say let it go . since idw t care anymore can you stop asking ... tbh . is she too sensitive and think too much on her own part . i swear i didnt do anything at all .

super miss baby :( havent seen him in like so so so so long .. like throughout whole holiday also never see. sad die me D: only one day when i came home i saw my toy car in th living room then i asked mama why it's there then she said baby came and went to my room and take th car himself .. i super miss baby now :( :( :( i want see baby like soonnnnnnnnn .
stupid going camp next week D: gonna miss stupid so much luhh . nobody entertain me D: for like 3-4 days D: D: D: got th whole room to myself . but so lonely :( :(

LIGHTNING :D

title has totally no link to post . but oh well . dont care . hehe .
and so today 2nd day of school .. yesterday was accent day . and today maths and physics day D: and tomorrow will be a super nonsense day D: that stupid in my class again D: grrrrrrrr . stupid school .. accountancy and lsct so many people . but why suaysuay must same class as you again . grrrrrrrrrr . angry is me .

went piano-ing with bff and th rest :D played for bout half an hour . then back t th land of no reception ... teacher no let me listen music D: first you take away azhar and ryan and then next you no let me listen music . school of IS seriously super screwed . music is like energy source. if not hear you talk i confirm fall asleep . electech is like super physics . super dont like it D:

teachers with accents = hard to understand . local teachers = like lullaby ... gahh . this sem is like maths maths and more maths ... can die ..
not looking forward to tomorrow . not at all :( let's hope that th accountancy people will be nice ...

went for worship chalet over th weekend . like a weird only .. what they talk about is like mainly for main comm people .. and i also not in main comm . dont know they ask me go for what ... and then th sermons during th chalet was good . but then missed out on so much caz keep going to toilet D: but thank goodness that daddy was there then he take care of me for th time we were there . hehe . even went out to buy medicine for me :D it was kind of a good weekend i guess ? no wifi no connection with outside world no worries no nothing . just stay there relax and think of nothing at all . sounds like escaping huhh .
tired much :(

idk how in th world this hidden place became found .....
anyway . just so you know . reason why i join society . simple . two words . FAMILY, LOVE. through foc can really see th love and bond between th sgls and agls and aagls etc . i remember telling kelly that i can see th love and th bonds and i want that also .
why am i happier with sgls ... simple . reason being can really feel th love . for own batch is like oh okaay lo that kind of feeling . we always emphasize on family . must be family . but seriously luhh . personally i feel that th family feel is not there . is all clique clique clique . yahh say want mix . but th bond already there le . it isnt easy to chup in . whole batch so many quiet people . not only me . why they can get away with it . like what kimleng say how will i feel . you dont know right . you dont know what nonsense my body is giving me now right . i have to sit there enduring the cold and th pain and th people beside me are asking me to go outside and warm up first . i really really really felt like walking out on th whole thing . and stupid dipsy just left me there to die .. thanks uhh ... but really . th person that's been enduring all my nonsense and pushing me along th way jiu shi dipsy le . whatever problems that come he also know . he really really really help alot alot alot .and i really thank him and appreciate him alot for that . th person that approach from the start and then say whatever problems can just tell him . from day idk what till now . he's always there . never leaving . even though sometime never reply texts but really really really thankful for being that source of strength through this whole thing . despite having own problem and stress and everything, he still helps me alot alot . and i really greatful for that . like really really really appreciate everything . even when i cry and no one else knows, he knows. he also gets stressed up and stuff but he never turns away . forever there . hopefully after this whole thing ends, we still can be like talking like normal . just content of convo change .. from work to other stuff ..

today was kinda fun i guess (:
woke up early and nua on th bed till became late . but still reach school before 10 . hah .
dipsy was super stun when gave him his present (: hehe . should have given it on sunday .. since he stay so near church .. oh well . he was like omgomgomg for idk how long and super happy . hahaha . azhar also same reaction . so cute luhh they (:
then whole time during practise dance dance dance . then now knee/leg pain again . sigh .
bussed to church with dipsy (: new bus buddy :D haha . no awkward silences and th journey like pass so fast .crapped th whole time . like everything and anything . and he got th whole list of who have what condition thing then went to google mine for idk what reason . then read out symptoms and then look at me . and then say yes or no . then teach how to figure out password that th school gave us . hehe . he like some super big kid .
oh well. saw dumbdumb brother today :D :D dumbdumb dyed his hair and cutted it . no more nice nice fringe .. but still . got to see him after so so so so so long . but never get t talk . sian . at least now he replies texts and msn :D
gonna meet maureen , candy , akalya , deric , randy , jon , jocelyn , li ming later :D happy is me :D must must must take more photos ! that time take de all never upload D: dont know with who also .
super tired . havent do script also . sian max . sigh . oh well . sleep more important :D hehehe

tbh . idk why it as to come all down to this . oh so you want to talk about appropriateness . so today leaving early for me was inappropriate but for you the previous it was ? what nonsense are you talking about. on monday . for th showcase. you left early just to get a freaking referral letter for your face. cant you wait till practise was over. is your stupid letter that important . so leaving early for that is appropriate luhh . we had to wait for you to come back before we could start another round. you think you damm big uhh . then on another occasion. SS had practise and he could go for th whole thing and in th end you went out with him till 4pm . and he went late for practise. so you think that that is appropriate . omg . use your brains luhh please . you want compare appropriateness . why dont you look at yourself first before saying others . when point finger at others. four fingers are pointing back at yourself . think before you speak . like seriously . idk what game you trying to play . idk what's gotten into you . seriously . things are getting out of hand . im sorry but it has come all down to this . you broke it once . you broke it again .there's this saying once bitten twice shy . but you had two chances . and now . no more . enough is enough . i had enough . im already controlling . idw this to become like some super serious thing . but seriously . i really think that there's no room to talk anymore . idk who you have become . and soon a wall will be errected to block you out . by that time it'll be too late for you to do anything to salvage it . it takes two hands to clap . if you're going to blow your chances everytime, i dont see why i should be so nice to you anymore . have fun on your own . this really is it .

disappointed much ...

You . Of all people . And I thought you would know how I'm like . Well . I guess I was wrong . You give me your fked up attitude and still dare t ask what's wrong . Since you dont want t answer people just say you don't know anything luhh . Stupid . Today totally ruined thanks t you . Idk what game you trying t play here . I'm not interested in your game . Dinner was like WOAH . Laugh till stomach pain . And all thanks t you , my happy bubble just popped .

numb .......

Feel like a giant mess .... Oh and btw did I mention , th door's just there . Anybody else wanna leave . Idw t be anybody's reason why they do stuff .. It's your own will . Your own decision . I'm not gonna take a knife and force you . Dipsy says I need a doctor . Yes I'm going mental . I cant hold it there anymore . On th verge of breaking but not breaking . Body now has this function where it auto numbs emotions . When this function cease to exist , i'll really break down super super bad .so much build up but no release . Idk also . I really don't . Maybe one day I'll just loose myself altogether .

times like this ....

Times like this I just feel like escaping ... Found out things that just hurt me so bad .. But then again . It's like my body's natural reaction to numb myself against all these stuff . Like there's this auto switch off emotion mode . Which just kicks in whenever I want to escape or th thing that's happening hurts too much . Yes now I'm currently on a no emotion mode . Didn't even tell anybody . Like I just want to shut out th world . Except for kirro and jiajia and Ian and elvina . They could tell and they could see that sth was wrong . Love you guys <3 aiish . Idk . I really don't . To act dumb or what . I'm not a toy :( dammit . Why do I get this feeling that I was nothing but just a replacement while you were bored . Th realization was like smack in my face . Plus other stuff also . Sigh . Sad sad life :(

the little joys in life (:

I really really thank God for th people he put in my life . Be it new friends or old friends . Well . Idk what t say now . But really overcome with emotions . Really touched by them . Especially my dear Parker <3 seeing you happy also makes me happy . You sad we also sad . So cheer up kaay ! We love you ! <3 <3

GLAD YOU CAME <3

OMG I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE WE WENT TO MEET THE WANTED . it just feels so surreal . Like it's all a dream . From th moment they went onto stage I was like WOAHHHHH . Can't believe it ! Hugged all 5 ! :D and still got kiss de . Omgomgomgomg . SIVA IS SO DAMM CUTE! :D Nathan also . So sweet . He hug and then say sth like love you mwah . NATHAN SO CUTE :D can't rmb what th rest say . But they damm cute luhhhhh ! Tom like super duper friendly . I still recovering and then he went HIIIII then hug . OMGOMOMG ! damm high ! THE WANTED IS SO DAMM CUTE ! totally made my Sunday evening complete .
when went on stage then nobody want jay :( then when i finally walked on , his arms open big big for hug . like OMGGGGGG . so sweet . even though i dont really like him . but still .... hugged my IRISH next . please please please let kim be th one standing beside me . if not then th random person be so short until when th photo come out can crop it so that can see siva only . but then jay also confirm inside ... caz his body was like piak on mine . can feel his body . hehe . i really wanted th spot in between nathan and siva :( but was too late :( oh well . i got to see them :D :D :D like never would i expect this day . and they are coming back in feb :D 5 more months to go ! :D :D then th next time round must go find out all their flight details ! missed once chance already . not gonna miss another ! hopefully can uhh . THE WANTED is like making me so happy :D they all super super super cute . where else can you find such awesome people . famous yet humble and friendly and so warm towards their fans . looking at their album and watching their videos just makes me smile (: they're really the cutest thing ever .

PERSEUS :D

Back from oac . Perseus lika fun only . Got nana there :D hehe . And jiesi also (: First day go boomnetting ? ( don't know how spell ) so fun (: then went t survivor island . It's really a no man island . Have t dig toilet yourself and sleep in tents . Day two went kayak . Paired up with mag and Isaac . Finally experienced th capsizing part . Was fun despite th many times capsizing . Then go back main island and did high element and climb coconut tree (: so fun (: hehe . Day three go dragon boat and flying fox . Th dragon boat so cute . Is fix fix fix de . Not one whole boat by itself . Flying fox was funnnn (: then bus ride t ferry terminal = sing a Long session . One hour of singing . So fun (: Well overall oac was super fun (: and th only bad part was th migraines and headaches :( learning how t sign " what are words " super cool . So fun learning (: Perseus is like so fun (: and awesome (: Perseus Sui zai ho :D and we are th Demigods and we are th best 因为我们是 Perseus ! :D

:(

Left leg hurts caz of somebody ... Stupid . Went see zhong yi and he say nothing's wrong . If nothing's wrong then it won't be so pain right .... Sigh . Why happen now :( I still got a camp on Friday ... Tmr still need walk t jp Take bus ... Die already Lo liddat . carry bags and walk . Die already luhh . :(

yawnnn ...

super tired now ... s&s today again was rubbish ...
like seriously im really sick of everything .... only good thing was percussion de stuff settled le .
super pissed luhh . some idiot act big . read script already comment so much . you so smart you go do luhh . we all need to take so much nonsense then spend like 5 hours writing th stupid script and you comment so many . bang wall and die luhh you .
good part of today was chalet i guess . met yun and lin at dover then crapped th whole way to pasir ris. then got bbq :D awesomeness (:
then all th nonsense starts again D: sigh ... sian much .. i really need air now uhh . really suffocating ... :(
broke down again . like whutttttttttt . thank goodness for laptop and everybody else playing game then nobody found out . and also thank goodness for zijian to help extend deadline and everything . so now like finally finish doing th stupid thing .

omg i think i will die luhh ... practise like monday wednesday thursday friday . can die luhhhhhh . bankrupt already luhh . transport fare damm ex . ugh .
fmlfmlfmlfml .
this really a whole load of crap . faster over .........................

super tired now .... mentally tired and physically tired too . feeling super exhausted .

let's hope that i can survive this ...

idk why but i already lost more than 50% interest in this whole thing . is like a whole load of nonsense . this whole thing is nonsense. it's going no where . im really really tired . sometimes i just want to get out of this thing altogether . yes i know you anxious . but then dont you think all your pushing and then we having t worry bout stuff too will only crush us even more . im already struggling to breathe. i need space . i need air . not everybody crowding and taking away my air .

im already telling myself to be strong and face this whole thing bravely . but i guess it just doesnt work th way i want it huhh ..

how many times have i been on th verge of breaking down . tbh , i can tell you ALOT . not once not twice but really many many times .

whole day whole night these three words pass through my head like idk how many times . s and s . its not that we're not trying . we are already trying our best. cant you see it . firstly, you told us late. secondly, it's exam period ehh ! who in th right mind will go discuss when it's exams . aren't you contradicting yourselves . at first you said exams were important then now you say this whole load of nonsense also very important . so now what . you want us t sacrifice our gpa for a stupid 10 min performance . im sorry but no . i will not do it . these few days . you guys keep pushing and pushing . do you even know with each msg and meeting i get more and more demoralised . of course you wont .here i am trying t be strong . and yet i just crumble even further .

im really in a great big mess now . i really dont know uhh . not only you want th thing to be a success right . we also want it to be successful . ya i know you serious when you said you will scrape us off if our performance dont meet your standards . but dont you think sending that message at 2:17 in the morning is ridiculous . do you even know what you said will affect my sleep . and my life . im really breaking . i even dream of it now . do you even know how bad this is . of course you dont . all you can see is how inefficient we are and how lousy we are .. you said " dont make me loose trust in you" oh come on . you already made us dont like you by saying that . here we are trying our very very best and rushing everything and there you are giving a whole load of bullshit .

i really dont know anymore uhh . i really dont .......................

my universe will never be the same .im glad you came :D

* TER TER TER TERTER TER TER TER TER TER ~ * Ahahaha . The Wanted is th new love <3 me likey :D HAHAHA . Nathan Sykes is super cute . Tom and siva also . Siva is like so cool . Is half Sri lankan and half Irish . So coolll . No wonder he looks different . Hehe . Cant tell th Brit accent lehh . Prescilla and Ian say the Brit accent strong . But it sounds normal t me :( Anyways . END OF EXAMS :D like finally . FREEDOMMMMM :D seven weeks of Fun fun fun and more fun :D Hehe . Gonna experiment with my hair and try sth new (: hopefully it turns out well (: wheeee ~ damm high now . The Wanted is like some drug . Gonna dig out all their songs and go find them .

one down three to go ...

yupp ! one down three t go ! i can do this !
soonsoon . a while more and exams will be over .

today sat there study th whole afternoon . and only touched itouch every one hour plus . and never touch phone at all . hehe . yaye me :D

so today finished re-doing all IPC tutorials and did one paper . ugh . only got like 71%. hopefully can do better for exam . i really really need that A .
finally uploaded photos after so so so so long . like finally got th mood t upload . from last year november till christmas . so manymany pretty photos :D ahahah.
tmr must do thermo paper . grrr . im so gonna fail that luhh :(
havent even touch much of bio . well done .
ahhh . just spent th whole night watching tv .grrr .
back t th books ....

BOO ! (:

So tomorrow's th first paper ... Well .not sure if got prepare enough .. Did five papers plus half th tutorials . Should be enough I guess .. Hmmm . Thank goodness tmr is maths and not any other subject if not I'll really be super under prepared . Today I really really studied . Like finally . Sat there for three hours Doing thermo and maths . And didn't touch phone or itouch at all . Yaye me :D hahaha . Oh well . I guess it's really really time t start studying for th rest of th papers . For now . Bed time :D

you know you're so dead ......

When notes aren't attractive/appealing enough . And th exams are just next week ! Ugh . Can't seem t find motivation t study . And too many distractions at home ! So far only did three maths papers and one Chem paper . And never really study at all . But I really don't feel like studying at all . Like I totally lost my motivation . This is super bad . Super super bad . Ughhhhhh .

<3

Met my dearest jiajia for brunch today <3 <3 Mehhh .can't see you till next sem D: except during society .which is only once a week .... Super tired now ..... Shoulder feels like it's being yanked out/pushed down .super painful . :( Last day of sem one .exams coming real soon :( so fast .on th bright side ,dont need t see stupid people anymore :D on th not so bright side , can't see my trio and nana and chenchen and jiajia D: I must say . God never fails t surprise me every single time .when I thought I would fail th tests , th results just simply stun me .IPC test was insanely hard yet still managed t get 29.5/40 .thermo test too .didn't fail that either .yuppyupp . All thanks t Him .

you'll never know what im feeling ....

yesyou .you can go fly away for all I care .bloodyliar .every single time you get someone new you never fail t feed me with lies . If you want me t trust you ,prove t me that you can be trusted . Prove t me that you still want t be a part of my life .don't just talk .talk is easy and cheap .prove it . The reason this place is alive is caz of you .gone are th cobwebs .you ask me what's wrong .what's wrong .if you did bother t continue comin here you would know .but oh no . You wouldn't know because apparently you don't care anymore .

i dont know what to feel anymore ......

These few days been riding on an emotional roller coaster i guess . Up down left right upside down . Haii . I also don't know luhh . Does th lies seem nicer t you . Why do you even bother lying t me when I already know th truth .you regard me as your sister and yet you feed me with lies .do you even know how much that hurts me .... I don't know anymore .I don't know who I can trust .this whole thing this whole place is just a whole load of rubbish . But still .I'm still thankful for th people closest t my heart . They know who they are . They seen th worst of me and they seen th best of me and they still stick by me . Really love you so much <3 ,I used t ask WHY? why did advertising reject me when I could get into it .Mass comm was out of th question since i failed the interview . But now I guess I can see th bigger picture . Advertising and mcm is not my thing .I'm not creative nor am I that outspoken . Being in LSCT is like being at home .there's just this homely feel .being in a place where I am no longer afraid t say that YES IM A CHRISTIAN . because there are quite a lot of people in my life now that are also Christians and they are really awesome . And yes i also love my other friends too . No matter what th religion , i still love you <3 really thank God for puttin me in LSCT instead of FMS .th people here are much warmer and friendlier and really like family <3

idw t fall back into that state :( idw t go through that all again . but now all th walls are falling down again and im once again sucked into that vortex .idw to be thrown into the bottom of the pit with such helplessness. i cant even help myself out. its like im trapped in that hole of sadness. i dont know why . the storms are all closing in. real heavy and bad storms. they're just too tough to take .idw t experience that same helplessness all over again . will you help pull me out of th pit that im in ? th person that pulled me out before has walked out :( i really need you now do you know that . why did you have t walk out :( yes im sorry. im that dependant on people. but i really really need help.maybe im th one that really needs medication and has depression. maybe i am th one and not you .i dont know anymore :( i dont want t stay in th pit. i really need someone or something to provide me with a rope or ladder so i can get out .

JESUS, HOLD ME NOW - CASTING CROWNS

Living on my own, thinking for myself
Castles in the sand, temporary wealth
Now the walls are falling down
Now the storms are closing in
And here I am again

Jesus, hold me now
I need to feel You in this place
To know You’re by my side
And hear Your voice tonight
Jesus, hold me now
I long for Your embrace
I’m beat and broken down
I can’t find my way out
Jesus, hold me now

Curse this morning sun, drags me into one more day
Of reaping what I’ve sown, living with my shame
Welcome to my world, and the life that I have made
One day you’re a prince, and the next day you’re a slave

Lord, I just looked up today
And realized how far away I am from where You are
I don’t know what else to pray
Broken at Your feet I lay
The life I’ve torn apart

Jesus, hold me now
Jesus, hold me now
Jesus, hold me now
Jesus, hold me now

...........…

Idw t fall out of this path that I'm taking .I'm not a quitter and Idw t be one .but idk how t carry on .th path now has too many obstacles .even me is discouraging me . idk what t do with me .like what kc say ,idk is just an excuse .an excuse not t think .an excuse t escape from reality .you suck .four months back you said I could call you anytime at night t tell you anything even three or four am also can .now you don't even care .you don't even reply msn . If you do ,it'll just be "LOL" . maybe I'm just that dumb t have trusted you . Idk luhh . Idkidkidkidkidkidk . T quit or not t quit . Seeing th group ICs complain bout how they dont know their groupmates and must go get their contacts and how they will die and I'm like thinking t myself " hello I have 83 ppl t get contacts from and I only know a few ppl. If you 10 ppl going t die wouldn't I have died long ago" . It's just I'm even doubting myself now luhh . Jac say just treat it like organizing gambit outing . This is like gambit x8 . Even gambit outing ,sometimes will get quite pek chek .now is eight times th number of people . How .you tell me how .idk .I really don't .stupid body .stomach why must you hurt now .body why must you make me feel like vomitting now . What is wrong with everything :(

there's always gonna be another mountain ......

well i guess another mountain is staring at me right now . have t find a way t get across this .i dont know what i got myself into. i feel useless . like calvin's doing all th work . yesterday itself he already came up with th document t collate contact numbers and all i did ytd after reaching home is sleep . and today he sent out email containing th rough outline of th thing . and idk anything at all . no . didnt even make th effort t ask what is what and etc etc . fail much . no communication at all . he's just like a bullet train forging ahead and im like an old steam train trying t catch up with him . old steam train will fall apart and break down before being able t catch up with bullet train .he doesnt tell me anything at all . how on earth are we supposed t work together . so you must be thinking " go ask him luhh . so easy also dont know " th thing is i dont know also . i dont know him at all . and then you must be thinking "excuses" .

now it's like conflict . not with anybody . but with myself .yes im insane . im fighting with myself . i dont know if i can pull through. i dont have faith in me .asking myself if i should give up or not . but as jac said th reason i am oic is caz they believe that i can .but really now i really dont know . i dont have confidence in myself . as most people will say "pray" . yes i know . but idk where t start . so much shit has been going on and i just dont know .He knows what im going through right down t th most minute detail but i just dont know how t tell Him .....

dear daddy, im really really really messed up now :( on th verge of crying . you know what i've been going through . from th rubbish in class to what i have t take from my family and all .you know how im feeling . i just hope that you give me th strength t overcome all this . i need you more than ever now .yes i know i've been drifting away . slowly making th distance larger and all . but i really really hope that you can provide me with the strength and courage to face these .courage t stand up . and strength t take it all in and still face the world with a smile .i thankyou for supportive friends but they are not enough . the root of th problem lies in me . i hope that you can help me untangle th mess in my heart that im facing and help me through all these . help me press on and continue fighting this fight .fighting it in a way that can bring glory t you .

:(

feels kinda messed up now :( idk why . It's been so long since I last felt this . From frustration , it turns t helplessness then now so messed up . Daddy , I really need you now :( I need strength . Strength t overcome . I need loads of it . So much things t do and so little time . Rushing stupid commiss project and th bloody group doesn't want t cooperate . Losers . And so many tests also . And exams are coming too . Can just kill me now . Too much on my plate . Too much for me t handle ... being crushed by all these things . RAWR . I wanna be burden free :( so so so many things t worry about also . Hais .

RAWRRRRRR

Piggy's coming back tmr :D Bio lecture now ..... Sian much . Talk so much rubbish . Faster talk finish lehh . I want go out de . Stupid class . That desperate t boost your ego Huhh . Losers . Part of me wants t go year three faster so can get away from them caz will change class . But another part don't want time t pass so fast .. Sigh . Stupid ppl .

:(

broke th everyday get injured thing . friday didnt get injured ... biomol test was okaay i guess .hopefully can score at least 20 .

dad's leaving for japan now :( :( :(
it's not th first time but idk why im feeling sad .. it's not th point about th country ( caz i really wanna go japan ) , but i think is more of th company .
no more randomly hugging him or play play fight with him or disturb him .

sighhhhhh :(
one whole week :(
mummy no let go airport :( which i think is good in a way . cry at home better than cry at airport . trying super hard t hold it all in now ...

nobody t go school with on tuesday and thursday ... :( nobody t lean on and sleep on th mrt if i tired on tuesday and thursday morning . :(
gahhhh . i hate this feeling luhhhhhhhhhhh .
it just sucks .......
nobody t hug :(

sighhhh ....

So much for sleeping at twelve or one thirty . It's gonna be two real soon .just finished studying bio .don't know if rmb all or not . What's worse than keep getting injured .consecutively three days in a row already .how smart can I get .day one : fell and hit th same spot as last week and now th bruise bigger . Day two : hand bang wall got bruise .then slipped and fall and skin break .day three: got cut by idk what . Hopefully tmr no more injury . Stupid foot pain again .grrr . Just recover only and now injured again . So smart . So so so smart . Anyway . Kinda thankful for Jin guan during society .despite th fact that he kinda keeps anyhow shouting . Fell down and Roy shout for medic and nobody responded (Y) . Then finally Nicholas came over he look and see then shout "jinguan !" seriously . Is jinguan th only medic ? Lets say if more ppl get injured , will there be enough jinguan's t go around . I think he collapse first before treating everybody . Sian max .this week and next week so many tests . Sighhh . After all th tests then final exam . And so fast one sem will be over . Please bio stay in my brain and don't come out .

BOO ! (:

give up trying t put coloured fonts .. cant see also ..
anyways . weekends was good (: class free days (:
friday night = awesome . had band . and got yangyang and zac. shiokness . super cute luhh they . love them a lot .
so talented luhh . can play three instruments or more each . and i only can play one .
KE concert super fail .not nice at all . lousy ..
sunday was super tired .. daddy buy th ice coffee + ice tea mix together for me .like weird th taste . ask him buy teh bing he come back with coffee+tea .
brand new start of th week again .. woke up super late and still can reach school early . i like . sat with royston while waiting for lecture to start . even he can tell i got xin shi . haiish .. i was just sitting there eating my breakfast ! how could he even tell ...... then after th stupid 1/3 of th class went into LT then he talk t me . talked for a while . thankyou roypa (: haha . as what elena always call him when talking t us . royston = gambit's papa so is roypa . HAHA . saw clara too :D :D :D

i can do thermo now (: im a happy girl (:

smiles and laughter all around (:

well .. today's a better day (: had a real good sleep last night . fell asleep while typing sth . lucky never press send . caz its all gibberish . touch screen = never memorize where th buttons are/press th neighbouring button instead .
time sure does fly when you're having fun (: chem lecture and lunch was really fun (: despite not really getting what mr andrew was saying for th first part . brain havent wake up yet .

saw JMAO this morning :D :D going t meet zhu later :D hehe . today seeing so many people .

V brought me t go see dogs at th lab too ! :D

so fun (: hehe . .

i got a dumbdumb brother who is just awesome . haha . at times i really feel like killing you yet at other times i just love you so much . HAHA . yes i will become strong de ! now i know why you can so strong dy . caz you've been experiencing all this kind of crap since sec school . one day i will become as strong as you de . hopefully .

for now wednesdays are like th best days . it's a day with no stress no pretense and no shit . except for IS which is kinda stupid .. now like talking more and more crap with alvin during lesson . HAHA . and then trio time with my feathers as quoted from prescilla . haha . birds of th same feather flock tgt (: then society with my V and jac and many more .

its like a storm now .th storm will cut my path and break everything . feels lost at times but i know im never alone . in th midst of all this chaos im glad i found my safe place (: a place t be happy and just be me (: really really feel so blessed t have ppl that stand by me through all my tough times and help me dry my eyes and wont let me go . really thank God for blessing me with so many awesome people in my life . people that wont let me fall and people that will really be there when i really need people .

my dear Clara , if you werent at SIM on tuesday, i wouldnt know what would have happened . th pressure built up was really really so bad .

CLARA CHEN , WO AI NI <3 <3

...

Well I guess what kc said is true .this is th real world .running won't solve anything .yes I will be stronger .now bedtime . Tmr then Continue ..

messed up much ...

well i guess the title says it all ... messed up . yeah that's what it is .today's a real bad day . thanks t some no brain ass now everything is in a mess. what are cliques . cliques = people that you can click with and can just be yourself with no worries . whatever for force us t be with you if we're not happy at all . well now who's th one with no brains . stupid . you can just go bang wall and die kaay . nobody cares .act pitiful all you want . i dont care . you think still pri school uhh . plant a spy in our clique. lika stupid only . FAIL MUCH . yes i would say so . want bitch about ppl also so fail . really pity you .

on th other hand . thank God for putting Clara in my life . really really love Clara super super lots . dearest always making sure im fine and for listening t all my class politics and everything . if i could i would keep you in my pocket and bring you everywhere with me . love you so so much <3

sorry for scaring Ian and Prescilla ... like i was telling prescilla, th pressure build up is really really terrible ... it was that bad and i just had t release it somehow . and that way is what you guys saw during lunch .. th only ppl i really really trust in school other than Clara and nana , jiu shi ni men le . you guys are so awesome and i really really love our trio time a lot .can just be myself and just relax and really really enjoy .

i will stand by you . i will help you through when you've done all you can do and you cant go . i will dry your eyes .i will fight your fight .i will hold you tight and wont let go ...
we will get through this tgt . i know we will .when it gets tough , we will have each other . till th very end.

Rascal Flatts-I Won't Let Go Lyrics

nana sent me this song last night . thankyou nana for listening t all my rantings . love you so much <3

...

Why ?为什么？I don't know .idk why it comes down t this .IS ,class ,friend .IS as usual .horrible and like crap . Class .why can't you just let us be .why must you poke your butt into our affairs and demand that we should join you . Friend .you just single handedly broken all th trust I had in you .for that I really applaud you . Congrats . Life's just so screwed up now .life can you be less hard and be as simple as possible .Idw t deal with anything anymore .I just want t hide away till it's all over .I just don't have th strength t carry on .

BOO ! (:

today was a much better day :D

really much better than ytd .

fell asleep without setting alarm . sho smart . thank goodness th brother woke me up by making noise while choosing his storybook . HAHAHA .

prescilla and ian really awesome . really really thank God for them (:

finally today royston not dao . saw him at vending machine outside LT and he ask if im okaay or not . heh . and of all things, brandon ask him izzit i vomit ytd ... i also never eat .. vomit what ..

alvin also nicenice . hahaha . when i walked into LT then got eye contact then he ask me if im okaay or not caz he knew what happened . so unexpected . if he agrees then we will use what AJT said and then we do th final project for IS ourselves and then make th other two die . muahaha . stupid people .

ahahahaha , watching jiu xiang lai zhe ni on tv now .. even though is repeat its still nice . hehehe .

love nana manymany . during society i was in a super messed up mood and she let me keep on hug her and everything .

(:

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

:(

I really really dread Wednesdays now :( I don't like Wednesdays .. It's just like torture . I really hate my IS group mates that much that I feel like killing them . Today's a really super messed up day :( Tears can you stop flowing please .it really hurts .it really hurts so bad . It really really really hurts so so bad ......

BOO ! (:

BUMBLEBEE IS SO CUTEEEEEEE ! :D like some small boyboy .when bee almost die th tears came out .when they got sent away it happened too .hahaha .but I did dry th glasses before returning them. HAHAHA . optimus prime is so cool ! One hand still can fight . And so style . Hahaha .nicenice .I like watch th show only for bee and prime like that .HAHAHA . after show finish somehow lost balance and hit th chair de hard hard number thingy .and now got bruise :( It's prescilla's day ! from our er ren shi jie breakfast date become so many ppl now :( HELLO CLARA <3 I have no idea how you found this place .haha .I love you many many many many many many <3 for everything . <3 <3 <3

BOO ! (:

sia lahh .everything also want stomp .that hard up for money is it .first was library .now mrt .seriously now th ppl like too free nothing to do .it's 1130pm .th students are tired. Sit on th floor also never disturb you right .eh you got seat still kp so much .they were considerate enough t not sit on reserve seat right .th area between two glass panels at th door there .they only occupy that area what .not like they take up th whole mrt floor space .plus they were at th other door .th one that won't open .ohmytian .idk what th hell is wrong with you . HELLO PEOPLE IF YOU THAT DESPERATE TO SMEAR NHHS REPUTATION ALSO DON'T SO JIAN LAHH . Say until like they fat until block th whole space .stupid .grrr .super pissed off . SIANNNNN.tmr church anniversary = combine with Chinese = sian max .

BOO ! (:

TODAY WAS SUPER AWESOME :D except for th IS part .IS sucks big time .can't wait for it the over .seriously I can just slap that stupid lahh .was doing group project then teacher ask me if I understand what she saying .I open my mouth and th words havent even come out and she just said "this one don't know how talk one" seriously .wtf man .wtf is your problem .is you don't even give us a chance t talk .so we just give up trying .grrr .SUCKER . Afternoon was super fun .stone at emart with Ian and prescilla .super fun .we like have some picnic and also talk a lot of stuff .really really fun . Society today was like mad .really super high .sing all th dumbdumb song and a lot more other stuff . Me is a happygirl today :D gonna sleep with a smile on my face (: HEARTS VARINA , PRESCILLA , IAN and CLARA <3 <3

BOO ! (:

Holidays are over :( so fast . This two weeks never touch anything related t studies at all .I'm so gonna die when school reopens. Mama Chang is back in school :D :D Mama conquered th Enemy and won th battle against cancer :D saw joy koh etc etc on Thursday .at np . Then talked . And made new friend . Yaye . Hahaha . Super tired . I think I'm like going crazy . I can sleep halfway then suddenly wake up and can't go back t sleep . Just feel super not tired and hot and then die also can't go back t sleep . Last night went drink water went steal pillow from sofa and went walkwalk around th house then go back sleep . Haha . Hopefully th problem goes away soon . Feels like some old person now . Can't laugh/cough/move without feeling pain .even though I miss th feeling of muscle ache ( reminds me of ernnie and drama ) , this is madness . Can't even do a thing without feeling pain . IS is like th most boring thing ever . As quoted from Alvin " discussion boring until naming my toes seem like more fun " that's how bad it is . Super th boring . Zzz . Soon . Soon it'll all be over .

BOO ! (:

proud of myself for finishing whole circuit (: YAYE :D tbh I still haven't found out what my limits are . Yes I have condition de . I'm not normal . V almost told Tingyan but in th end never . Fourth station was kinda pushing myself .. Last station was ahh heck and get it over and done with . Jiesi said I looked pale . But that time wasn't my limit yet . It was I Think maybe half or less than half ? Next week gonna run . I think that one really can die . Knee hurts :( skin break thanks t th super rough track :( even when bathe also pain . Thought I lost my earphones but alvis found them for me :D hahaha . Crapped th whole bus journey back . Didn't fulfill th original plans of sleeping on th journey back . Haha . Love Clara chen manymanymany <3 Super tired now ..

BOO ! (:

Feels kinda disappointed ... Was supposed t meet a friend tmr . Just a meal t celebrate end of CT and catch up and stuff . But now . It's all cancelled . Reason behind it is super stupid . " heyy I can't make it tmr anymore .my gf is a bit jealous " wth . Seriously. It's just a meal . Not like I'm gonna snatch him away or sth . Jealous what sia . If you say got work or what I will understand right . But you say gf jealous . Win Liao lo . Win already .

BOO ! (:

idk why but I really feel like calling you a bitch .. Clara suggested having htht . But I think it won't work out . Seriously . When are you ever serious . Idk . What you said .are they just lies or is it really th truth .or are they just stories you made up t make me happy only .I really don't know . When I see you online . I'll be like should I or should I not disturb you . Caz I really wanna make things clear but then again idk how . If I do say everything out . Will I loose you As a friend ? We sorta trashed things out before . And it worked out . That was because I was still of use t you that you even bothered talking t me right . But now . I'm afraid of trashing things out and then you leave . I really dont know . Now it's in a huge mess . Idk t talk t you and clear it all up or just let things be ..

BOO ! (:

Can you stop killing yourself .stop stabbing yourself can . Can you just pull yourself together . If that fella really treat you as a friend he'll come back . Refusing t accept th fact that you're slowly drifting apart won't make any difference .it just goes t show how stupid you are . Ugh . Can't believe im feeling like crap all over again . Society training was fun .but once it ended , th crappiness came back . I so want t kill myself .. Stop thinking ! Thinking will only lead t more hurt and ya . Don't you dare break down again .you came this far and you got a long way ahead .don't let that fella tear you down . He is so not worth it .

BOO ! (:

common test over Liao :D somehow it feels weird .like nothing t look forward t . During th past week everyday study like mad .then now super free .well .I guess I'm quite pleased with biomol results .got a whole lot better than what I expected . Hopefully th other three modules de results won't be disappointing . Hoping for A for IPC .module with th most credits don't get A can die . Sometimes I wonder .do I really exist only when you need something ? Will you really pick up th call if I just break down in th middle of th night and call you ? You said anything I can msg you .but . I think I'm irritating you more right . Maybe I shouldn't get so attached t you . Like what sueann said leos they place alot of emphasis on love . Like friendship and all . Even though I don't believe in all that . But what she said is true . You guys are all put before me . I can just put down everything and go t you . But will you do th same for me ? Well . I guess . Maybe I'm expecting too much Huhh . Caring too much you'll just say I don't trust you . IZzit my fault that I care . Well . That's just me . Friends > me . Live with that and accept that . Gahhh . This is madness .

BOO ! (:

tralalala ~ common test period :( one down three t go . Biomol please stay in my head kaay . And so passed th LSCT interview . Knew my results few days before th rest . So hard t keep th info in . So when th rest super high bout th results I'm like ohh okaay . Then went back t study .. Yes I killed thermo today :D Tmr I will own maths and then triumph over biomol on Wednesday and win IPC on Thursday . Then I can finally rest . Oh yeahhhh .

BOO ! (:

it's th sixth week of school already !
so fast .. CTs are in two weeks .. so not prepared ..
school is like madness .. super packed schedules and everyday is so long ..

been riding on a roller coaster all over again .. but really really glad for th people that Daddy God placed in my life t help me through (: PROUD T SAY THAT IM FROM LSCT AND I LOVE LSCT SUPER LOTS <3 especially society ppl that im super close t and my dearest GAMBITS . GAMBIT is like an instant remedy . well not all of them .. just those more active ones . they really can make a bad day turn good instantly .

monday was crazy . super bad day . i even cried . wts . but thank goodness for JACJAC (: JACJAC's smile made me smile . once th lift door opened there she was standing there waving and smiling . love jacjac like so much luhh .

time t sleep .. super madness . past few days total amount of sleep only seven hours . not per day but is add up and yahh . seven hours only . even Jason say i crazy ..

Daddy God , i thank you so much for TINGYAN who's even though from a different group yet still cares a lot for all th freshies , JASON for being a super awesome and giving me advice even though what i said was quite dumbdumb ,
MAGDELENE that's just so cute and like an elder sister and also really really cares for us ,
ELENA my super cute mummy <3 really really like a mummy and just so awesome <3 love you alot alot alot <3 ,
KC my dumbdumb brother <3 you can like just quit your course and be a counsellor lo . HAHA . really love you like super a lot . for being able t be fun yet also serious and just so awesome <3,
JACJAC my blurblur cutecute nu er . idk how i become her mama also ,
CLARA super fun and cute and awesome and nicenice and
JIESI th super cute gl of gambit (: super super nice t talk t and just so awesome .


without their encouragement and love i think i would have died long ago ..
really really love you guys so so so much <3

BOO ! (:

I am feelings hungry nao :( Poly also students whatttt . Why we must have school today .. Stupid . Just caz we poly = we no equal treatment ? Jc paying student fair I don't see why we can't also Lo . Jc age vary also what also not everybody standard age . Those cheena or whatever scholar can also be like same age or even older than poly students .. Zzzzz . Stupid . th list just goes on and on . They're just darn bloody biased . Stupid rubbish . Went t see baby today <3 like finally . Baby is damm cute . Stupid monkey never fails t make me smile . Love my baby like super lots . Best thing ever . Hopefully can see baby soon again .

BOO ! (:

and another week has passed .i would say this was an interesting week (:
monday went out with my beloved GAMBITS and kc t fly kite at barrage . so fun (: then went far east walk walk .
cant rmb what else . but this week was fun (:
ytd was piano auditions . and i got in . like wow . i practise th song for one night only . hahaha . th instructor is like scary and cute at th same time . haha . when she found out i only took one night t prepare, she went on bout how important it is t play and practise and blah blah blah . then she held one book up and say you know now we playing from this book and inside all very hard. what if i were t open th book now and ask you play one piece . then she really did open th book and pointed t one song . i play first three bars only then she tell th person beside her . eh this one very good lehh ! LOL . i only sightreading can . playing classical is cannot make it de . well . i guess that settles my cca for now . but must teach ppl ! :( ugh !
tmr's th last day of th week :D and then can rest for two days (: before starting th crazy week again .
IS was super funny . no teacher im not sick . im just tired . you said read newspaper. i was up th night before till two reading that why i stone . hahaha . keep asking if i sick or not . funny

BOO ! (:

TGIF ! like really really happy weekends are here . finally can rest . first week of school and already heaps of hw . eight tutorials t complete by tuesday . seriously crazy .ten more questions till im done with my IPC tutorials :D shall continue tmr ..and one thermo tutorial and i'll be really done ! :D

this week has really been mad crazy . and im like already burnt out on tuesday . and half th week hadnt passed yet . today super tired .and yet im still awake at 1:35 am ! and im going out later somemore .. going out with VARINAAAAAAAA and tsing and kc . gonna watch VOYAGE DE LA VIE . LIKE FINALLY ! SO EXCITED ! can see that russian contortionist . and and and . can hear JON sing after soooo longgggggggggg !

went skating on thursday . but th fella gave me and V one size smaller . bloody painful . toes hurt like crazy . but was fun . haven't skated in a long long time . if only th skates were of th right size then even more fun . kc you liar . where got forget all your skills . skates are just like your shoes luhh . super pro still say not good at all . idk why i even replied th gl for th inline skate cca when im not even going back . hahaha .

my class has been fine ? but still not so close . really love GAMBIT so much for helping me through the week . you guys are my power source . really really love you guys so much . th bonds that we have i think even closer than our own class bond . GAMBIT is th best thing ever . th best ever / most bonded camp group i ever had . and never ever loose contact de .
GAMBIT like awesome only !

so fun t play with colours :D HAHAHA .
talked t jackjack today ! :D :D
after so longgggggg .
heyy you ! jiayou in school kaay !
all th best ! /
love you many many <3

and nowwwwwwwwww . TIME FOR BED ! :D :D :D

BOO ! (:

TODAY OFFICIALLY FIRST DAY OF LESSONS . thermodynamics waste time only .. Lecturer just talk bout Myanmar then a bit bout lesson only .. royston was yawning and listening music . Tsk . Went SIM eat . Malay stall portion super small yet bloody ex . For th same price I can eat full full in np lo . Then maths . Th lecturer like rushing t catch train . Two hours finish three chapters . Seriously . Never think bout those that never take Amaths .. Tutorial only lasted For seven mins . Awesome or what . Went for cca auditions after that .. Piano then D3 .. Screwed up d3 .. Alee said nic and tingyan's dance was vigorous . D3 is worse . Knee hurts now :( th steps damn bloody fast . And th person teaching a bit tall uhh . I second row totally can't see . And then I just blanked out and froze . Awesome right. Well I guess now it's piano .. Hopefully .. And I really really hope can get into society .. Me has a new idol now . He is really really really super duper awesome . I guess only V knows who . Well . It's TINGYAN . He is really awesome . On D4F day . Despite th injury he still danced with us . And on th day before d4f he was already injured . Yet he never ever showed us that he was in pain . He continue teaching us th dance and dance with us and continue keeping our spirits high . On d4f day itself . He danced and he played and he was really really high . Compared t his ankle , I think My hand injury th pain is nothing . I really really pei Fu TINGYAN . Like really really . Even though his grandma passed away , never once did he let th sadness show and he continue entertaining us on fb and msn and in person too . even if what we say is super stupid . If it was me , I would have been like super super sad and I can never be like how he acted . Aw ting yan . You are super awesome . Like really super super duper awesome . And I really really pei Fu you . How you spell his name , it's Spelt as A-W-E-S-O-M-E . And how you spell awesome , it's Spelt as T-I-N-G-Y-A-N ! TINGYAN th super hot awesome sexy chio handsome pretty chocoboy ! <3

BOO ! (:

RAWR . damn itouch crashed .. All my photos gone .. All my games gone . Thanks uhh . Stupid thing . Ugh . I don't feel like going meeting tmr . Dammit . I'm not going church paint eggs either . Just not in th mood t do anything .. D4F was awesome awesome awesome . But didn't win anything . Oh well . I guess judges biased . Hms dance like so simple and they get third .. Seriously .. Rubbish .. It's th process that matters And not th results . I love D4F dance crew 2011 <3 th friendships , fun , laughter , tears , joy , smiles , etc . Nothing can replace them . Not even money or th riches of this world . Those are priceless .

BOO ! (:

First day of school .. Super th sian .. Total five girls in class . Talk t them they only know how smile . And th guys like so shy . Seriously .. In th end went find all th FOC ppl talk . Super pissed off today . Whatever happiness built up along th day also no more Liao . Seriously I will punch your face luhh . Wth . You watch it I tell you . Bloodyhell . I nice enough t help you and you give me this kind of shit . So what if you older . I don't care . Yeah this is me . Face it . I'm not th quiet and wont say anything person that I acted like during FOC . You try it again and you die .

:(

Don't know how I even managed t injure my hand . Right hand somemore . Can just go die luhh . How can injure right hand . It's like super pain . First it started off with wrist . Then got bruise . Then spread down t finger . Then today whole hand pain when play piano . Then when kiap food for ppl become whole arm pain . Wth . Worst part is when lying down on sofa use itouch I usually hold with right hand but now I can't . Now I have t use both hands t hold or left hand . Right hand will like suddenly 没有力 . School starting Liao then come and injured . Why you so smart Huhhh . Stupid . Im like doing everything with left hand . So not used t it ....

BOO ! (:

sentosa was like super awesome . super fun . captain ball and volleyball in th rain . awesomeness . but this time round never play water . hahaha .and GAMBIT picnic ! <3 so fun . best time ever . played some photo machine game with th other group . got two super power . play with them until mei you qi . i think i really let out everything . was super high that day . was supposed t say take neoprint repeatedly until both do same action . i think th longer i say th louder it gets . ahh whatever . shout a lot i guess ? haha .

D4F ! like awesome only . now spamming th songs . tingyan's song easier t catch th beat . nicholas song quite hard . hopefully can . so fun . GAMBIT like super th bonded . me like . haha . almost every night skype/mass convo . you guys are like th best luhh . especially last night . laugh until .... best . we all discuss on skype then type out in msn . so funny luhh . haha . and i know dong wont see this so he will never know our schemes . hahaha .

there's dance on sunday again . and then on monday night . and i think maybe tuesday too . competition's on wednesday ! so fast !
school's starting ! :D i miss th two plaits sia . and my long hair ? now cant tie plaits properly .. sian . nvm . wait until grow back then i tie t school .

I LOVE GAMBIT ! <3<3<3

BOO ! (:

I'm boredddd .. Rotting on th bed while waiting for mother t get ready .. Baby's down with gastric flu :( sadded . Get well soon ! Pearpear and alvis not same class . Sian . Hopefully qinsi is . If nt really no friend . Talked t Dongy last night . Like funny only . Fb got this button called comment but Dongy choose t text me instead . Talked for quite long I think . Can't rmb . Dongy ! Go sentosa ! Then we can all celebrate birthday for you ! Tomorrow's th first ever practise for D4F . Pls don't lemme die or get injured . Hahaa . Hopefully is some fun and not so difficult dance .

BOO ! (:

Idk what I've got myself into . Dance competition . Seriously . I think get injured more likely . But it's fun ! I guess . bond with all th rest . Pink ft with labcoat . Look so .......... Hahaha . I guess it's th experience that matters . Yeah . I'm gonna have fun (: This whole week all book by gambit . Awesome or what . Only left one or two days free . Gambit ftw ! <3 Today was quite ............. I guess I didn't expect it t happen . Sth happen . In a very bad mood . Holding back tears . Thru th half an hour bus ride . Before that already very xin ku . Also want cry . On th bus keep wiping th stray tears that managed t find their way out . In th end when reach final busstop then start crying . Wts . Well . I guess that's th only bad part .... I love gambit like loads . And COOL too . And school's starting soon :D so looking forward t it . Me qinsi and alvis also take sem two stuff first . Awesome luhh ! Please please please let us all same class . Then it'll be super awesome .

GAMBIT ! <3

GAMBIT SUPER AWESOME ! <3 back from FOC . Sick but fun :D Play planta and water like don't need Money .. Planta is sick .. Smell like Ewww . First ever camp everybody sleep same place . Guy and girl same room . Each group sleep two rows .. One And a half row girls and half row guys . Somehow third day morning my head like almost touching Joseph head .. YES I NEVER GET DRAWN ON WHILE SLEEPING :D I was completely clean . Awesome . Night walk was stupid lo . Paired up with some guy from other group . Then he is like .......... More scared than me . Guy lehh ! Th rest of th guy all so man . All not scared de . NO I NOT GONNA FAINT . ohmygosh . Why keep saying I gonna faint :( I feeling perfectly fine lo . Muscle acheeee :( duck walk for 10 mins . Pain like abcdefghijk . Walk up and down so many stairs and around th school so many time thruout whole camp . Ytd came home sleep all th way till today eleven plus (: yaye (: I almost fell down th stairs after night walk :( thank goodness for th railing . If not I really fall . FOC WAS FUN (: GAMBIT FTW ! :D <3<3<3

BOO ! (:

A camping we will go a camping we will go . Hey ho th Derry oh a camping we will go (: HAHAHA . some random Barney song .. Isaac celebrated first birthday today .. Barney theme .. Dl all th Barney songs t play .. Whats with kids now .. They hear Barney song all not high .. I hear dy still will sing a long and high myself .. Haha . One word t describe th party : boring . Seriously nth t do .. Finally agree with peter tan's " a hungry man is an angry man" Ace boy when first came super grouchy caz haven't eat yet . After he eat , he super happy . Ace's a spoilt brat .. Yaye I am going for OC tmr (: till Wednesday (: awesome (: